history "The Raid":Superheroes

The boy had awoken with the break of day to the smell of freshly baked bread. At the sounds of his stirring, his mother approached and leaned over her child. "Good morning, little one," she said with an affectionate smile. She gave the boy a kiss on the forehead. As she did, her long, dark hair fell around them both and the boy inhaled his mother's scent - the scent of warm honey and almonds. A breakfast of boiled eggs, grapes, still warm bread smeared with a hearty portion of homemade cheese, and fresh goat's milk had already been laid out on the family's small wooden table.
After he ate, the boy's mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father, whose small boat, the boy knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. The boy skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods led them to a crest of dunes on top of a secluded section of beach - the father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As the boy stepped from the treeline and his bare feet hit the warm sand, he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. The boy called and waved with all his might to his father, who looked up with a broad smile and waved back.

The boy had awoken with the break of day to the smell of freshly baked bread. At the sounds of his stirring, his mother approached and leaned over her child. "Good morning, little one," she said with an affectionate smile. She gave the boy a kiss on the forehead. As she did, her long, dark hair fell around them both and the boy and inhaled his mother's scent of warm honey and almonds. A breakfast of boiled eggs, grapes, still warm bread smeared with a hearty portion of homemade cheese, and fresh goat's milk had already been laid out on the family's small wooden table.
After he ate, the boy's mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father whose small boat, the boy knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. The boy skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods led them to a crest of dunes on top of a secluded section of beach - the father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As the boy stepped from the treeline and his bare feet hit the warm sand, he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. The boy called and waived with all his might to his father, who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.

The boy jolted awake, already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. The boy tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from the boy's mother and he saw her spit in her attacker's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man dropped in a heap and the boy's mother darted back into the hut. The boy stretched his arms towards his mother and cried out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Confusion and fear swelled in the boy. He watched his mother moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor, and for the first time he saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.

The boy jolted awake, already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. The boy tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from the boy's mother and he saw her spit in her attacker's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man dropped in a heap and the boy's mother darted back into the hut. The boy stretched his arms towards his mother, cried out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Confusion and fear swelled in the boy. He watched his mother moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor, and for the first time he saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.

In his final dream that night he saw his ageless parents at the edge of the water, waiting. His father wore his brilliant smile and his mother waived. The boy basked in the love and pride on their faces. He could hear his mother's gentle laugh carried to him on the wind. The boy stood and reached to pull his anchor from the water, as he had seen his father do so many times before. But in the dream the boy felt his stomach start to tighten and he paused. The waves stopped lapping on the sand and the sounds of the wind and sea birds disappeared. He turned back to his parents. The smile had fallen from his father's face and his mother's gentled laugh had been drowned by silence. The boy in the boat frowned. His mother's lovely smile twisted and her face became distorted with fear - an emotion the boy felt, without explanation, well up inside his own body. He focused on his mother's lovely face which continued to twist with emotion while the image of his father and the trees and the beach and the sky melted around her until only his mother remained. Motionless in a sea of black, the boy's mother stared silently at her son with tears running from her ocean green eyes. The boy reached for his mother and suddenly her mouth snapped open wide. The boy pulled back as a powerful cry, twisted with fear and pain and rage, burst forth. The cry slammed into the boy as if it been a physical thing and the vision was gone.

In his final dream that night he saw his ageless parents at the edge of the water, waiting. His father wore his brilliant smile and his mother waived. The boy basked in the love and pride on their faces. He could hear his mother's gentle laugh carried to him on the wind. The boy stood and reached to pull his anchor from the water, as he had seen his father do so many times before. But in the dream the boy felt his stomach start to tighten and he paused. The waves stopped lapping on the sand and the sounds of the wind and sea birds disappeared. He turned back to his parents. The smile had fallen from his father's face and his mother's gentled laugh had been drowned by silence. The boy in the boat frowned. His mother's lovely smile twisted and her face became distorted with fear - an emotion the boy felt, without explanation, well up inside his own body. He focused on his mother's lovely face which continued to twist with emotion while the image of his father and the trees and the beach and the sky melted around her until only his mother remained. Motionless in a sea of black, the boy's mother stared silently at her son with tears running from her ocean green eyes. The boy reached for his mother and suddenly her mouth snapped open wide. The boy pulled back as a powerful cry, twisted with fear and pain and rage, burst forth. The cry slammed into the boy as if he it been a physical thing and the vision was gone.

In his final dream that night he saw his ageless parents at the edge of the water, waiting. His father wore his brilliant smile and his mother waived. The boy basked in the love and pride on their faces. He could hear his mother's gentle laugh carried to him on the wind. The boy stood and reached to pull his anchor from the water, as he he seen his father do so many times before. But in the dream the boy felt his stomach start to tighten and he paused. The waves stopped lapping on the sand and the sounds of the wind and sea birds disappeared. He turned back to his parents. The smile had fallen from his father's face and his mother's gentled laugh had been drowned by silence. The boy in the boat frowned. His mother's lovely smile twisted and her face became distorted with fear - an emotion the boy felt, without explanation, well up inside his own body. He focused on his mother's lovely face which continued to twist with emotion while the image of his father and the trees and the beach and the sky melted around her until only his mother remained. Motionless in a sea of black, the boy's mother stared silently at her son with tears running from her ocean green eyes. The boy reached for his mother and suddenly her mouth snapped open wide. The boy pulled back as a powerful cry, twisted with fear and pain and rage, burst forth. The cry slammed into the boy as if he it been a physical thing and the vision was gone.

The tales told around the fire went late into the night. The boy struggled to keep his eyes open to hear them all, but every thread of his small body was exhuasted in that way that only happens from a day of play under a baking sun. Finally, he surrendered to sleep. His father stepped gently among the older boys who still listened to the latest yarn and slipped his arms under his son. Cradled in his father's arms, the boy's eyes fluttered and he began mumbling. He mumbled all the way back to the family hut. His father placed him on his sleeping mat and his mother gave him a soft peck on the head. The boy inhaled deeply, and was silent.

The tales told around the fire went late into the night. The boy struggled to keep his eyes open to hear them all, but every thread of his small body was exhuasted in that way that only happens from a day of play under a baking sun. Finally, he surrendered to sleep. His father stepped gently among the older boys who still listened the latest yarn and slipped his arms under his son. Cradled in his father's arms, the boy's eyes fluttered and he began mumbling. He mumbled all the way back to the family hut. His father placed him on his sleeping mat and his mother gave him a soft peck on the head. The boy inhaled deeply, and was silent.

The tales told around the fire went late into the night. The boy struggled to keep his eyes open to hear them all, but every thread of his small body was exhuasted in the way that happens from a day of play under a baking sun. Finally, he surrendered to sleep. His father stepped gently among the older boys who still listened the latest yarn and slipped his arms under his son. Cradled in his father's arms, the boy's eyes fluttered and he began mumbling. He mumbled all the way back to the family hut. His father placed him on his sleeping mat and his mother gave him a soft peck on the head. The boy inhaled deeply, and was silent.

The boy had awoken with the break of day to the smell of freshly baked bread. At the sounds of his stirring, his mother approached and leaned over her child. "Good morning, little one," she said with an affectionate smile. She gave the boy a kiss on the forehead. As she did, her long, dark hair fell around them both and the boy and inhaled his mother's scent of warm honey and almonds. A breakfast of boiled eggs, grapes, still warm bread smeared with a hearty portion of homemade cheese, and fresh goat's milk had already been laid out on the family's small wooden table.
After he ate, the boy's mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father whose small boat, the boy knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. The boy skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods led them to a crest of dunes on top of a secluded section of beach - the father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As the boy stepped from the treeline and his bare feet hit the warm sand, he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. The boy called and waived with all his might to his father, who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.
As his father began rowing for shore, the boy played tag with the waves. His shouts of joy echoed down the beach, joined by his mother's laughter. By the time his father had steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough-hewn anchor into the sand, the boy had soaked himself and his mother in warm, salty water. The fisherman leapt from the boat with a hug and a passionate kiss for his wife. The boy pulled at his father's coarse pant leg, "Papa." His father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean oozed from his father's dark auburn skin. Popping his small son into the boat, the fisherman began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach. The boy scrutinized the wooden oars, hand-woven rope nets, and other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go. The market will be starting soon," came his mother's voice a few minutes later. And with that, the boy leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. The boy and the other village children giggled as they played hide and seek, chasing each other through the crowd. But as the sun neared its peak in the sky, the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate, and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire, boy's parents played games with him. Finally, the time came for rest. At dark, they would go out again when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.
The tales told around the fire went late into the night. The boy struggled to keep his eyes open to hear them all, but every thread of his small body was exhuasted in the way that happens from a day of play under a baking sun. Finally, he surrendered to sleep. His father stepped gently among the older boys who still listened the latest yarn and slipped his arms under his son. Cradled in his father's arms, the boy's eyes fluttered and he began mumbling. He mumbled all the way back to the family hut. His father placed him on his sleeping mat and his mother gave him a soft peck on the head. The boy inhaled deeply, and was silent.
But though his body rested, the boy's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through the boy's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in his head. In each dream, the boy played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of the boy, tall and strong like his father, grown, and rowing his own boat with powerful arms back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom.
In his final dream that night he saw his ageless parents at the edge of the water, waiting. His father wore his brilliant smile and his mother waived. The boy basked in the love and pride on their faces. He could hear his mother's gentle laugh carried to him on the wind. The boy stood and reached to pull his anchor from the water, as he he seen his father do so many times before. But in the dream the boy felt his stomach start to tighten and he paused. The waves stopped lapping on the sand and the sounds of the wind and sea birds disappeared. He turned back to his parents. The smile had fallen from his father's face and his mother's gentled laugh had been drowned by silence. The boy in the boat frowned. His mother's lovely smile twisted and her face became distorted with fear - an emotion the boy felt, without explanation, well up inside his own body. He focused on his mother's lovely face which continued to twist with emotion while the image of his father and the trees and the beach and the sky melted around her until only his mother remained. Motionless in a sea of black, the boy's mother stared silently at her son with tears running from her ocean green eyes. The boy reached for his mother and suddenly her mouth snapped open wide. The boy pulled back as a powerful cry, twisted with fear and pain and rage, burst forth. The cry slammed into the boy as if he it been a physical thing and the vision was gone.
The boy's father wrestled with another armored man. He struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in the boy's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help; too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon the boy's father with his metal-clad arm, the boy's mother entered the fray. Using two hands, she brought her weaving stool crashing down squarely onto the back of the larger man's frame. Wood splintered over the invader's back and shoulders, and the fight was over.
As the family neared the door, the soldier that had attacked the boy's mother pulled himself to his feet and charged the entire family, brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent, the boy's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that the boy covered his ears once more, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed to his knees again with an iron clang, feebly grasping at the shaft of the poker. The boy's mother lifted a hand to shield the boy's eyes from the gore, but it was too late. The boy stared, transfixed. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
With the intruder's sword poised high to strike the boy and his mother, the boy's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over her shoulder, the boy watched as his father's instinct took over and he jumped into the path of the falling blade - the fisherman never thinking to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. The boy's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. The boy felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet.
The world blurred around Alaistar as he sprinted through the village. The acrid stench of burning filled Alaistar's nostrils and made it hurt to breath. The entire village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and plunged into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that very morning. As he exited woods and crested the highest dunes, Alaistar froze once more, suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast, and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance, two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these giant ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father, Alaistar stopped and turned back towards the village. With that moment's thought of his father and mother and Alaistar flung himself back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps, he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out, Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his armored chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms, but it was as if pushing a mountain. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. Suddenly, he felt himself sink, along with his captor, as the soldier stepped into the soft sand. He knew he was being carried back onto the beach.
Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He tried to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult for his captor to move gracefully in the sand. As they plodded forth, the man stumbled in the sand spoke harshly in a language Alaistar did not understand, but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body, knocking the wind from the boy and quelling his fight. Alaistar cried silently for his mother and tried to summon the twin smells almond and honey. Instead, the rotting odor of his captor burned his nose.

The boy had awoken with the break of day to the smell of freshly baked bread. At the sounds of his stirring his mother approached and leaned over her child, "Good morning, little one," she said with an affectionate smile. She leaned over and gave the boy a kiss on the forehead. As she did, her long, dark hair fell around them both and the boy and inhaled his mother's scent of warm honey and almonds. A breakfast of boiled eggs, grapes, still warm bread smeared with a hearty portion of homemade cheese, and fresh goats milk had already been laid out on the family's small wooden table.
After he ate, boy's mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father whose small boat, the boy knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. The boy skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods led them to a crest of dunes on top of a secluded section of beach - the father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As the boy stepped from the treeline and his bare feet hit sand, he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. The boy called and waived with all his might to his father, who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.
As his father began rowing for shore, the boy played tag with the waves. His shouts of joy echoed down the beach, joined by his mother's laughter. By the time boy's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough-hewn anchor into the sand, the boy had soaked himself and his mother in warm, salty water. The fisherman leapt from the boat with a hug and a passionate kiss for his wife. The boy pulled at his father's coarse pant leg, "Papa." His father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean oozed from his father's dark auburn skin. Popping his small son into the boat, the boy's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach, while child scrutinized the wooden oars, hand-woven rope nets, amd other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go. The market will be starting soon," came his mother's voice a few minutes later. And with that, the boy leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. The boy and the other village children giggled as they played hide and seek, chasing each other through the crowd. But as the sun neared its peak in the sky, the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate, and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire, boy's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark, when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.
The boy's father carried his son back into the family's hut. After a long day, followed by the evening fire, the boy's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the head. But, though his body rested, boy's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through the boy's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in his head. In each dream, the boy played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of the boy, tall and strong like his father, grown, and rowing his own boat with powerful arms back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom.
In his final dream that night he could clearly see his ageless parents at the edge of the water, waiting. His father wore his brilliant smile and his mother waived to him. The boy basked in the love and pride on their faces. He could hear his mother's gentle laugh carried to him on the wind. But then the waves stopped lapping on the sand, the sounds the wind and sea birds disappeared, and his mother's mouth began to twist. The smile faded from her lovely face and she began to scream - her whole face seemed to melt as her beautful voice contorted from a gentle laugh into a powerful cry and pierced the peacefulness of the vision.
The boy's father wrestled with another armored man. He struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in the boy's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, boy's mother entered the fray. Using two hands, she brought her weaving stool crashing down squarely onto the back of the larger man's frame. Wood splintered over the invader's back and shoulders, and the fight was over.
As the family neared the door, the soldier that had attacked the boy's mother pulled himself to his feet and charged the entire family, brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent, the boy's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that the boy covered his ears once more, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed again with an iron clang, feebly grasping at the shaft of the poker. The boy's mother lifted a hand to shield the boy's eyes from the gore, but it was too late. The boy stared, transfixed. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
With the intruder's sword poised high to strike the boy and his mother, the boy's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over her shoulder, the boy watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never thinking to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. The boy's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. The boy felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet.
The world blurred around Alaistar as he sprinted through the village. An the acrid stench of burning filled Alaistar's nostrils and made it hurt to breath. The entire village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and plunged into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he exited woods and crested the highest dunes, Alaistar froze once more, suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast, and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance, two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these giant ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father, Alaistar stopped turned back towards the village. A moment's thought of his father and mother and Alaistar plunged himself back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps, he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out, Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his armored chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms, but it was as if pushing a mountain. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. Suddenly, he felt himself sink, along with his captor, as the soldier stepped into the soft sand. He knew he was being carried back onto the beach.
Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He tried to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult for his captor to move gracefully in the sand. As they plodded forth, ehe man stumbled in the sand spoke harshly in a language Alaistar did not understand, but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body, knocking the wind from the boy and quelling his fight. Alaistar cried silently for his mother and tried to summon the twin smells almond and honey. Instead, the rotting odor of his captor burned his nose.

The boy had awoken with the break of day to the smell of freshly baked bread. At the sounds of his stirring his mother approached and leaned over her child, "Good morning, little one," she said with an affectionate smile. She leaned over and gave the boy a kiss on the forehead. As she did, her long, dark hair fell around them both and the boy and inhaled his mother's scent of warm honey and almonds. A breakfast of boiled eggs, grapes, still warm bread smeared with a hearty portion of homemade cheese, and fresh goats milk had already been laid out on the family's small wooden table.
After he ate, boy's mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father whose small boat, the boy knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. The boy skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods led them to a crest of dunes on top of a secluded section of beach - the father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As the boy stepped from the treeline and his bare feet hit sand, he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. The boy called and waived with all his might to his father, who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.
As his father began rowing for shore, the boy played tag with the waves. His shouts of joy echoed down the beach, joined by his mother's laughter. By the time boy's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough-hewn anchor into the sand, the boy had soaked himself and his mother in warm, salty water. The fisherman leapt from the boat with a hug and a passionate kiss for his wife. The boy pulled at his father's coarse pant leg, "Papa." His father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean oozed from his father's dark auburn skin. Popping his small son into the boat, the boy's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach, while child scrutinized the wooden oars, hand-woven rope nets, amd other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go. The market will be starting soon," came his mother's voice a few minutes later. And with that, the boy leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
As the boy's mother hoisted a straw basket onto each hip, his father handed him a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from his son's small grasp. The boy's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own broad shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. The boy quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest, and ran to catch up with his parents.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. The boy and the other village children giggled as they played hide and seek, chasing each other through the crowd. But as the sun neared its peak in the sky, the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate, and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire, boy's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark, when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.
The boy's father carried his son back into the family's hut. After a long day, followed by the evening fire, the boy's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the head. But, though his body rested, boy's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through the boy's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in his head. In each dream, the boy played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of the boy, tall and strong like his father, grown, and rowing his own boat with powerful arms back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom.
In his final dream that night he could clearly see his ageless parents at the edge of the water, waiting. His father wore his brilliant smile and his mother waived to him. The boy basked in the love and pride on their faces. He could hear his mother's gentle laugh carried to him on the wind. But then the waves stopped lapping on the sand, the sounds the wind and sea birds disappeared, and his mother's mouth began to twist. The smile faded from her lovely face and she began to scream - her whole face seemed to melt as her beautful voice contorted from a gentle laugh into a powerful cry and pierced the peacefulness of the vision.
The boy jolted awake, already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. The boy tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from the boy's mother and he saw her spit in her attacker's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man dropped in a heap and the boy's mother darted back into the hut. The boy stretched his arms towards his mother, cried out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Confusion and fear swelled in the boy. He watched his mother moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor, and for the first time he saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
The boy's father wrestled with another armored man. He struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in the boy's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, boy's mother entered the fray. Using two hands, she brought her weaving stool crashing down squarely onto the back of the larger man's frame. Wood splintered over the invader's back and shoulders, and the fight was over.
The boy's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his hand moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head, pushing hard with his palm against the wound. Both parents rushed toward their son, and the boy's mother pulled the stunned chid from his mat and took him into her arms. The boy's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they advanced.
As the family neared the door, the soldier that had attacked the boy's mother pulled himself to his feet and charged the entire family, brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent, the boy's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that the boy covered his ears once more, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed again with an iron clang, feebly grasping at the shaft of the poker. The boy's mother lifted a hand to shield the boy's eyes from the gore, but it was too late. The boy stared, transfixed. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
With the intruder's sword poised high to strike the boy and his mother, the boy's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over her shoulder, the boy watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never thinking to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. The boy's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. The boy felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet.
@@"RUN Alaistar, RUN!" @@
His mother yelled as she shoved the boy toward the door, and launched herself at the murderer who had just slayed his father, digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. The boy looked up at this new battle, his feet frozen in place, watching as blood began to course from the soldier's eye sockets and down his cheeks.
@@"RUN, Alaistar!" @@
At his mother's renewed order, Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he burst from his home and into the night.
The world blurred around Alaistar as he sprinted through the village. An the acrid stench of burning filled Alaistar's nostrils and made it hurt to breath. The entire village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and plunged into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he exited woods and crested the highest dunes, Alaistar froze once more, suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast, and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance, two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these giant ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father, Alaistar stopped turned back towards the village. A moment's thought of his father and mother and Alaistar plunged himself back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps, he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out, Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his armored chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms, but it was as if pushing a mountain. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. Suddenly, he felt himself sink, along with his captor, as the soldier stepped into the soft sand. He knew he was being carried back onto the beach.
Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He tried to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult for his captor to move gracefully in the sand. As they plodded forth, ehe man stumbled in the sand spoke harshly in a language Alaistar did not understand, but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body, knocking the wind from the boy and quelling his fight. Alaistar cried silently for his mother and tried to summon the twin smells almond and honey. Instead, the rotting odor of his captor burned his nose.
The soldier continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt, Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale, for an instant, Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye, and then he slipped into darkness.

Alaistar had awoken with the break of day to the smell of freshly baked bread. At the sounds of his stirring his mother approached and leaned over the boy, "Good morning, little one," she said with an affectionate smile. She leaned over and gave Alaistar a kiss on the forehead. As she did, her long, dark hair fell around them both and Alaistar and inhaled his mother's scent of warm honey and almonds. A breakfast of boiled eggs, grapes, still warm bread smeared with a hearty portion of homemade cheese, and fresh goats milk had already been laid out on the family's small wooden table.
After he ate, Alaistar's mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father whose small boat, Alaistar knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods led them to a crest of dunes on top of a secluded section of beach - Alaistar's father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As Alaistar stepped from the treeline and his bare feet hit sand, he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. Alaistar called and waived with all his might to his father, who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.
As his father began rowing for shore, Alaistar played tag with the waves. His shouts of joy echoed down the beach, joined by his mother's laughter. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough-hewn anchor into the sand, Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother in warm, salty water. The fisherman leapt from the boat with a hug and a passionate kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's well worn pant leg, "Papa." His father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean oozed from his father's dark auburn skin. Popping the small boy into the boat, Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach, while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, hand-woven rope nets, amd other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go. The market will be starting soon," came his mother's voice a few minutes later. And with that, Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
As Alaistar's mother hoisted a straw basket onto each hip, his father handed him a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from boy's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own broad shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest, and ran to catch up with his parents.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. Alaistar and the other village children giggled as they played hide and seek, chasing each other through the crowd. But as the sun neared its peak in the sky, the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate, and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire, Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark, when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.
Alaistar's father carried his son back into the family's hut. After a long day, followed by the evening fire, the boy's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. But, though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through the boy's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in his head. In each dream, Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown, and rowing his own boat with powerful arms back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom.
In his final dream that night he could clearly see his ageless parents at the edge of the water, waiting. His father wore his brilliant smile and his mother waived to him. Alaistar basked in the love and pride on their faces. He could hear his mother's gentle laugh carried to him on the wind. But then the waves stopped lapping on the sand, the sounds the wind and sea birds disappeared, and his mother's mouth began to twist. The smile faded from her lovely face and she began to scream - her whole face seemed to melt as her beautful voice contorted from a gentle laugh into a powerful cry and pierced the peacefulness of the vision.
Alaistar jolted awake, already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in her attacker's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man dropped in a heap and Alaistar's mother darted back into the hut. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, cried out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Confusion and fear swelled in Alaistar. He watched his mother moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor, and for the first time he saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. He struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray. Using two hands, she brought her weaving stool crashing down squarely onto the back of the larger man's frame. Wood splintered over the invader's back and shoulders, and the fight was over.
Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his hand moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head, pushing hard with his palm against the wound. Both of Alaistar's parents rushed toward their son, and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they advanced.
As the family neared the door, the soldier that had attacked Alaistar's mother pulled himself to his feet and charged the entire family, brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent, Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that Alaistar covered his ears, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed again, feebly grasping at the shaft of the poker. Alaistar's mother lifted a hand to shield the boy's eyes from the gore, but it was too late. Alaistar stared, transfixed. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
With the intruder's sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over her shoulder, Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never thinking to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she yelled as she shoved Alaistar toward the door, and launched herself at the murderer who had just slayed his father, digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up at this new battle, his feet frozen in place, watching as blood began to course from the soldier's eye sockets and down his cheeks. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order, Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he burst from his home and into the night.
The world blurred around Alaistar as he sprinted through the village. The entire village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and plunged into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he exited woods and crested the highest dunes, Alaistar froze once more, suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast, and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance, two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father, Alaistar turned back towards the village and ran back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps, he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out, Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his armored chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms, but it was as if pushing a mountain. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. Suddenly, he felt himself sink, along with his captor, as the soldier stepped into the soft sand. He knew he was being carried back onto the beach.
Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He tried to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult for his captor to move gracefully in the sand. As they plodded forth, Alaistar cried for his mother and tried to summon the twin smells almond and honey. Instead, his captor's rotting odor burned his nose. The man stumbled in the sand spoke harshly in a language Alaistar did not understand, but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body, knocking the wind from the boy and quelling his fight. The soldier continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt, Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale, for an instant, Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye, and then he slipped into darkness.

Alaistar had awoken with the break of day to the smell of freshly baked bread. At the sounds of his stirring his mother approached and leaned over the boy, "Good morning, little one," she said with an affectionate smile. She leaned over and gave Alaistar a kiss on the forehead. As she did, her long, dark hair fell around them both and Alaistar and inhaled his mother's scent of warm honey and almonds. A breakfast of boiled eggs, grapes, still warm bread smeared with a hearty portion of homemade cheese, and fresh goats milk had already been laid out on the family's small wooden table.
After he ate, Alaistar's mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father whose small boat, Alaistar knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods led them to a crest of dunes on top of a secluded section of beach - Alaistar's father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As Alaistar stepped from the treeline and his bare feet hit sand, he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. Alaistar called and waived with all his might to his father, who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.
As his father began rowing for shore, Alaistar played tag with the waves. His shouts of joy echoed down the beach, joined by his mother's laughter. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough-hewn anchor into the sand, Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother in warm, salty water. The fisherman leapt from the boat with a hug and a passionate kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's well worn pant leg, "Papa." His father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean oozed from his father's dark auburn skin. Popping the small boy into the boat, Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach, while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, hand-woven rope nets, amd other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go. The market will be starting soon," came his mother's voice a few minutes later. And with that, Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
As Alaistar's mother hoisted a straw basket onto each hip, his father handed him a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from boy's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own broad shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest, and ran to catch up with his parents.
Alaistar's father carried his son back into the family's hut. After a long day, followed by the evening fire, the boy's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. But, though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through the boy's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in his head. In each dream, Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown, and rowing his own boat with powerful arms back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom.
In his final dream that night he could clearly see his ageless parents at the edge of the water, waiting. His father wore his brilliant smile and his mother waived to him. Alaistar basked in the love and pride on their faces. He could hear his mother's gentle laugh carried to him on the wind. But then the waves stopped lapping on the sand, the sounds the wind and sea birds disappeared, and his mother's mouth began to twist. The smile faded from her lovely face and she began to scream - her whole face seemed to melt as her beautful voice contorted from a gentle laugh into a powerful cry and pierced the peacefulness of the vision.
Alaistar jolted awake, already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in her attacker's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man dropped in a heap and Alaistar's mother darted back into the hut. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, cried out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Confusion and fear swelled in Alaistar. He watched his mother moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor, and for the first time he saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. He struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray. Using two hands, she brought her weaving stool crashing down squarely onto the back of the larger man's frame. Wood splintered over the invader's back and shoulders, and the fight was over.
Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his hand moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head, pushing hard with his palm against the wound. Both of Alaistar's parents rushed toward their son, and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they advanced.
As the family neared the door, the soldier that had attacked Alaistar's mother pulled himself to his feet and charged the entire family, brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent, Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that Alaistar covered his ears, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed again, feebly grasping at the shaft of the poker. Alaistar's mother lifted a hand to shield the boy's eyes from the gore, but it was too late. Alaistar stared, transfixed. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
With the intruder's sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over her shoulder, Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never thinking to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she yelled as she shoved Alaistar toward the door, and launched herself at the murderer who had just slayed his father, digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up at this new battle, his feet frozen in place, watching as blood began to course from the soldier's eye sockets and down his cheeks. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order, Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he burst from his home and into the night.
The world blurred around Alaistar as he sprinted through the village. The entire village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and plunged into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he exited woods and crested the highest dunes, Alaistar froze once more, suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast, and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance, two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father, Alaistar turned back towards the village and ran back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps, he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out, Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his armored chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms, but it was as if pushing a mountain. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. Suddenly, he felt himself sink, along with his captor, as the soldier stepped into the soft sand. He knew he was being carried back onto the beach.
Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He tried to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult for his captor to move gracefully in the sand. As they plodded forth, Alaistar cried for his mother and tried to summon the twin smells almond and honey. Instead, his captor's rotting odor burned his nose. The man stumbled in the sand spoke harshly in a language Alaistar did not understand, but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body, knocking the wind from the boy and quelling his fight. The soldier continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt, Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale, for an instant, Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye, and then he slipped into darkness.
For a while, Alaistar floated in nothingness. Then, he saw a vision of himself: a warrior, as strong as Heracles, storming back to the village and into the home to rescue his family.

Alaistar had awoken with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. Afterwards, his mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father whose small boat, Alaistar knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods led them to a secluded section of beach - Alaistar's father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As Alaistar stepped from the treeline and his bare feet hit sand, he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. Alaistar called and waived with all his might to his father, who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.
As his father began rowing for shore, Alaistar played tag with the waves. His shouts of joy echoed down the beach, joined by his mother's laughter. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough-hewn anchor into the sand, Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother. The fisherman leapt from the boat with a hug and a kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's pant leg, "Papa." His father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean oozed from his father's auburn skin. Popping the small boy into the boat, Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach, while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, rope nets, amd other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go. The market will be starting soon," came his mother's voice a few minutes later. And with that, Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip, his father handed him a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from boy's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own broad shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest, and ran to catch up with his parents.
Alaistar's father carried his son back into the family's hut. After a long day followed by the evening fire, the boy's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. But though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through the boy's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in his head. In each dream, Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown, and rowing his own boat with powerful arms back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom. In his final dream that night he could clearly see his parents at the edge of the water, waiting. His mother wore a brilliant smile and his father waived to him. Alaistar focused on the happiness in their faces, however, his mother's mouth began to distort. The smile faded from her lovely face and she began to scream - her whole face started to melt as her beautful voice contorted from a gentle laugh into a powerful cry and pierced the peacefulness of the vision.
Alaistar jolted awake, already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in her attacker's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man dropped in a heap and his mother darted back into the hut. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, crying out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Confusion and fear swelled in Alaistar. He watched his mother moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor, and for the first time he saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. He struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray. Using two hands, she brought her weaving stool crashing down squarely onto the back of the large man's frame. Wood splintered over the invader's back and shoulders, and the fight was over.
Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head, pushing hard with his palm against the wound. Both of Alaistar's parents rushed toward their son, and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they advanced.
As the family neared the door, the soldier that had attacked Alaistar's mother pulled himself to his feet and charged the entire family, brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent, Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that Alaistar covered his ears, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed again, feebly grasping at the shaft of the poker. Alaistar's mother lifted a hand to shield the boy's eyes from the gore, but it was too late. Alaistar stared, transfixed. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist, another soldier crossed the threshold.
With the intruder's sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over her shoulder, Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never moving to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she yelled as she shoved Alaistar toward the door, and launched herself at the murderer who had just slayed his father, digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up at this new battle, his feet frozen in place, watching as blood began to course from the soldier's eye sockets and down his cheeks. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order, Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran from his home and into the night.
The world blurred around Alaistar as he sprinted through the village. The entire village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he exited woods and crested the highest dunes, Alaistar froze once more, suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast, and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance, two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's fishing boat.
With the thought of his father, Alaistar looked back towards the village and ran back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps, he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out, Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his armored chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms, but it was as if pushing a mountain. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. Suddenly, he felt himself sink, along with his captor, as the soldier stepped into the soft sand. He knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult for his captor to move gracefully in the sand and for a moment Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple them both. The man spoke harshly in a language Alaistar did not understand, but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body, knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through his body. The soldier continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt, Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale, for an instant, Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye, and then he slipped into darkness. For a moment he floated in nothingness and then he saw a vision of himself: a warrior, as strong as Heracles, storming back to the village and into the home to rescue his family.
**I like it, the only part that I would change is the last paragraph, it ends kind of flat, I think that he can be knocked out a bit ealier and still get the same effect.** ''not sure what you mean. Are you saying it's too abrupt? are you suggesting expanding the description? or reworking the order - having him knocked out and then having a dream about rescuing his parents?''
{{color text="I like the changes that you made. I feel like it's smoother and flows better. There are still some grammer / spelling things: waived instead of waved. Also, and this is just my style, but I tend to break up my prose into more paragraphs with each paragraph being a separate thought. Sometimes you have a lot happening in a single paragraph that I would tend to split up, but that's my style not necessarily any kind of writing rule. Just wanted to mention it. The only other thing I can think to mention is having more description for your nouns. In reading some writing tips stuff, they have basically suggested that for each noun you have an adjective. That's a little much in my opinion but you might want to try and add some more sensory things - or maybe just pick one (like the smell or taste or something) that lingers more in the dream, more distinct than the rest. Again just a writing style suggestion that you can take or leave as you like. Hope that helps!" c="maroon"}} ''i did see a bunch of grammer things - i think i changed them - but don't ever hesitate to fix pure grammer/typo stuff. if it might be substantive or style just do the strikethrough thing and add your revision suggestion and i'll take a look (that's if you want to - of course). I'll work on the repetive stuff. Your suggestions for the attacker/slaver are good. Any for the parents? Keep in mind this narrative, though it may not be clear in the narrative itself, is designed to be a a recurring dreams of Alaistar's -- his first recollecation later on his village and one of very vew altogether (i think he has some other really vague impressions of things, but this is the most detail he has). and so he doesn't know his parents names so I can't put them in - see what i mean? thoughts?''
{{color text="Also, at first you have them going through a forest to get to the beach - then at the end you have him running over dunes after going down the same path - just seems inconsistent..." c="maroon"}} ''it's a trail through the forest/woods, but the trail lets out onto dunes and it's down the dunes to the rest of the beach/ocean, i've made an edit - tell me if that made it clearer''

{{color text="I like the changes that you made. I feel like it's smoother and flows better. There are still some grammer / spelling things: waived instead of waved. Also, and this is just my style, but I tend to break up my prose into more paragraphs with each paragraph being a separate thought. Sometimes you have a lot happening in a single paragraph that I would tend to split up, but that's my style not necessarily any kind of writing rule. Just wanted to mention it. The only other thing I can think to mention is having more description for your nouns. In reading some writing tips stuff, they have basically suggested that for each noun you have an adjective. That's a little much in my opinion but you might want to try and add some more sensory things - or maybe just pick one (like the smell or taste or something) that lingers more in the dream, more distinct than the rest. Again just a writing style suggestion that you can take or leave as you like. Hope that helps!" c="maroon"}} ''i did see a bunch of grammer things - i think i changed them - but don't ever hesitate to fix pure grammer/typo stuff. if it might be substantive or style just do the strikethrough thing and add your revision suggestion and i'll take a look (that's if you want to - of course). I'll work on the repetive stuff. Your suggestions for the attacker/slaver are good. Any for the parents? Keep in mind this narrative, though it may not be clear in the narrative itself, is designed to be a a recurring dreams of Alaistar's -- his first recollecation later on his village and one of very vew altogether (i think he has some other really vague impressions of things, but this is the most detail he has). and so he doesn't know his parents names so I can't put them in - see what i mean? thoughts?''

{{color text="I like it too. It flows better than I remember with a more logical transition between events. There are some grammatical things that need some editing - happy to mark those if you like but I bet you'd find them on another read through. The only other thing I would mention is that you use Alaistar's name a lot to describe people or just 'the man' a lot where you also use soldiers - might think about trying to trim those down or use some different words (not the man but attacker - mercenary - beast - figure - whatever) as it gets a little repetitive to me when reading Alaistar's name over and over." c="maroon"}} ''i did see a bunch of grammer things - i think i changed them - but don't ever hesitate to fix pure grammer/typo stuff. if it might be substantive or style just do the strikethrough thing and add your revision suggestion and i'll take a look (that's if you want to - of course). I'll work on the repetive stuff. Your suggestions for the attacker/slaver are good. Any for the parents? Keep in mind this narrative, though it may not be clear in the narrative itself, is designed to be a a recurring dreams of Alaistar's -- his first recollecation later on his village and one of very vew altogether (i think he has some other really vague impressions of things, but this is the most detail he has). and so he doesn't know his parents names so I can't put them in - see what i mean? thoughts?''

With the intruder's sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over her shoulder, Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never moving to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she yelled as she shoved Alaistar toward the door, and launched herself at the murderer who had just slayed his father, digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up at this new battle, his feet frozen in place, watching as blood began to course from the soldier's eye sockets and down his cheeks. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order, Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran from his home and into the night.

With the intruder's sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over her shoulder, Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never moving to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she yelled as she shoved Alaistar toward the door, and launched herself at the murderer who had just slayed his father, digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up this new battle, his feet frozen in place, watching as blood began to course from the soldier's eye sockets and down his cheeks. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order, Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran from his home and into the night.

Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. He struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray. Using two hands, she brought her weaving stool crashing down squarely onto the back of the large man's frame. Wood splintered over the invader's back and shoulders, and the fight was over.
Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head, pushing hard with his palm against the wound. Both of Alaistar's parents rushed toward their son, and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they advanced.
With the intruder's sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over her shoulder, Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never moving to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she yelled as she shoved Alaistar toward the door, and launched herself at the murderer who had just slayed his father, digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up this new battle, his feet frozen in place, watching as blood began to course from the soldier's eye sockets and down his cheeks. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order, Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran from his home and into the night.

Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. He struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame, wood splintering over the invader's back and shoulders, ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head, pushing hard with his palm against the wound. Both of Alaistar's parents rushed toward their son, and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they advanced.
With the intruder's sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over his her shoulder, Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never moving to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she yelled as she shoved Alaistar toward the door, and launched herself at the murderer who had just slayed his father, digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up this new battle, his feet frozen in place, watching as blood began to course from the soldier's eye sockets and down his cheeks. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order, Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran from his home and into the night.

Alaistar's father carried his son back into the family's hut. After a long day followed by the evening fire, the boy's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. But though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through the boy's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in his head. In each dream, Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown, and rowing his own boat with powerful arms back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom. In his final dream that night he could clearly see his parents at the edge of the water, waiting. His mother wore a brilliant smile and his father waived to him. Alaistar focused on the happiness in their faces, however, his mother's mouth began to distort. The smile faded from her lovely face and she began to scream - her whole face started to melt as her beautful voice contorted from a gentle laugh into a powerful cry and pierced the peacefulness of the vision.

Alaistar's father carried his son back into the family's hut. After a long day followed by the evening fire, the boy's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. But though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through the boy's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in his mind. In each dream, Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown, and rowing his own boat with powerful arms back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom. And at the edge of the water his parents stand waiting, his mother with open arms, his father waving. As Alaistar focused on the happiness in their faces, his mother's mouth starts to distort. The smile fades from her face and she begins to scream - her whole face beginning to melt as her beautful voice contorts from a gentle laugh into a powerful cry and pierces the peacefulness of the vision.

Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. He struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame, wood splintering over the invader's back and shoulders, ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head, pushing hard with his palm against the wound. Both of Alaistar's parents rushed toward their son, and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they advanced.

Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame, wood splintering over the invader's back and shoulders, ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head, pushing hard with his palm against the wound. Both of Alaistar's parents rushed toward their son, and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they advanced.

With the thought of his father, Alaistar looked back towards the village and ran back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps, he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out, Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his armored chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms, but it was as if pushing a mountain. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. Suddenly, he felt himself sink, along with his captor, as the soldier stepped into the soft sand. He knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult for his captor to move gracefully in the sand and for a moment Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple them both. The man spoke harshly in a language Alaistar did not understand, but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body, knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through his body. The soldier continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt, Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale, for an instant, Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye, and then he slipped into darkness. For a moment he floated in nothingness and then he saw a vision of himself: a warrior, as strong as Heracles, storming back to the village and into the home to rescue his family.

With the thought of his father, Alaistar looked back towards the village and ran back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps, he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out, Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his armored chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms, but it was as if pushing a mountain. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. Suddenly, he felt himself sink, along with his captor, as the soldier stepped into the soft sand. He knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult his captor to move gracefully in the sand and for a moment Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple them both. The man spoke harshly in a language Alaistar did not understand, but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body, knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through his body. The soldier continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt, Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale, for an instant, Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye, and then he slipped into darkness. For a moment he floated in nothingness and then he saw a vision of himself: a warrior, as strong as Heracles, storming back to the village and into the home to rescue his family.

Alaistar jolted awake, already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in her attacker's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man dropped in a heap and his mother darted back into the hut. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, crying out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Confusion and fear swelled in Alaistar. He watched his mother moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor, and for the first time he saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame, wood splintering over the invader's back and shoulders, ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head, pushing hard with his palm against the wound. Both of Alaistar's parents rushed toward their son, and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they advanced.
As the family neared the door, the soldier that had attacked Alaistar's mother pulled himself to his feet and charged the entire family, brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent, Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that Alaistar covered his ears, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed again, feebly grasping at the shaft of the poker. Alaistar's mother lifted a hand to shield the boy's eyes from the gore, but it was too late. Alaistar stared, transfixed. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist, another soldier crossed the threshold.
With the intruder's sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over his her shoulder, Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never moving to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she yelled as she shoved Alaistar toward the door, and launched herself at the murderer who had just slayed his father, digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up this new battle, his feet frozen in place, watching as blood began to course from the soldier's eye sockets and down his cheeks. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order, Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran from his home and into the night.
The world blurred around Alaistar as he sprinted through the village. The entire village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he exited woods and crested the highest dunes, Alaistar froze once more, suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast, and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance, two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's fishing boat.
With the thought of his father, Alaistar looked back towards the village and ran back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps, he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out, Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his armored chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms, but it was as if pushing a mountain. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. Suddenly, he felt himself sink, along with his captor, as the soldier stepped into the soft sand. He knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult his captor to move gracefully in the sand and for a moment Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple them both. The man spoke harshly in a language Alaistar did not understand, but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body, knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through his body. The soldier continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt, Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale, for an instant, Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye, and then he slipped into darkness. For a moment he floated in nothingness and then he saw a vision of himself: a warrior, as strong as Heracles, storming back to the village and into the home to rescue his family.
{{color text="I like it too. It flows better than I remember with a more logical transition between events. There are some grammatical things that need some editing - happy to mark those if you like but I bet you'd find them on another read through. The only other thing I would mention is that you use Alaistar's name a lot to describe people or just 'the man' a lot where you also use soldiers - might think about trying to trim those down or use some different words (not the man but attacker - mercenary - beast - figure - whatever) as it gets a little repetitive to me when reading Alaistar's name over and over." c="maroon"}} ''i did see a bunch of grammer things - i think i changed them - but don't ever hesitate to fix pure grammer/typo stuff. if it might be substantive or style just do the strikethrough thing and add your revision suggestion and i'll take a look (that's if you want to - of course). I'll work on the repetive stuff. Your suggestions for the attacker/slaver are good. Any for the parents? Keep in mind this narrative, though it may not be clear in the narrative itself, is designed to be a a recurring dreams of Alaistar's -- his first recollecation later on his village and one of very vew altogether (i think he has some other really vague impressions of things, but this is the most detail he has). and so he doesn't know his parents names so I can't put them in - see what i mean? thoughts?''

Alaistar jolted awake, already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in her attacker's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap and his mother darted back into the hut. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, crying out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Instead she moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor, and for the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame, wood splintering over his back and shoulders, ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head, pushing hard with his palm on the wound. Both of Alaistar's parents rushed toward their son, and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they advanced.
As the family neared the door, the soldier that had attacked Alaistar's mother pulled himself to his feet and charged the entire family, brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent, Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that Alaistar covered his ears, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed, again feebly grasping at the shaft of the poker. Alaistar's mother liften a hand to shield the boy's eyes from the gore, but it was too late. Alaistar stared, transfixed. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist, another soldier crossed the threshold.
With the intruder's sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's shoulder, Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never moving to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar toward the door, and launched herself at the man who had slayed his father, digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up this new battle, his feet frozen in place, watching as blood began to course from the soldier's eye sockets and down his cheeks. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order, Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran from his home and into the night.
The world blurred around Alaistar as he sprinted through the village. The entire village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he exited the treeline and crested the highest dunes, Alaistar froze once more, suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast, and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance, two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's fishing boat.
With the thought of his father, Alaistar looked back towards the village and ran back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps, he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out, Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his armored chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms, but it was as if pushing a mountain. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. He felt himself sink, along with his captor, as the soldier stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult his captor to move gracefully in the sand and for a moment Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple them both. The man spoke harshly in a language Alaistar did not understand, but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body, knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through his body. The man continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt, Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye, and then he slipped into darkness. There saw a vision of himself, a warrior, as strong as Heracles, storming back into the home to rescue them both.
{{color text="I like it too. It flows better than I remember with a more logical transition between events. There are some grammatical things that need some editing - happy to mark those if you like but I bet you'd find them on another read through. The only other thing I would mention is that you use Alaistar's name a lot to describe people or just 'the man' a lot where you also use soldiers - might think about trying to trim those down or use some different words (not the man but attacker - mercenary - beast - figure - whatever) as it gets a little repetitive to me when reading Alaistar's name over and over." c="maroon"}} ''i did see a bunch of grammer things - i'll change them - but don't ever hesitate to fix pure grammer/typo stuff. if it might be substantive or style just do the strikethrough thing and add your revision suggestion and i'll take a look (that's of you want to - of course). I'll work on the repetive stuff. Your suggestions for the attacker/slaver are good. Any for the parents? Keep in mind this narrative, though it may not be clear in the narrative itself, is designed to be a a recurring dreams of Alaistar's -- his first recollecation later on his village and one of very vew altogether (i think he has some other really vague impressions of things, but this is the most detail he has). and so he doesn't know his parents names so I can't put them in - see what i mean? thoughts?''

Alaistar's father carried his son back into the family's hut. After a long day followed by the evening fire, the boy's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. But though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through the boy's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in his mind. In each dream, Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown, and rowing his own boat with powerful arms back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom. And at the edge of the water his parents stand waiting, his mother with open arms, his father waving. As Alaistar focused on the happiness in their faces, his mother's mouth starts to distort. The smile fades from her face and she begins to scream - her whole face beginning to melt as her beautful voice contorts from a gentle laugh into a powerful cry and pierces the peacefulness of the vision.

Alaistar's father carried his son back into the family's hut. After a long day followed by the evening fire, the boy's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. But though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through Alaistar's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind. In each dream, Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown, and rowing his own boat with powerful arms back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom. And at the edge of the water his parents stand waiting, his mother with open arms, his father waving. As Alaistar focused on the happiness in their faces, his mother's mouth starts to distort. The smile fades from her face and she begins to scream - her whole face beginning to melt as her beautful voice contorts from a gentle laugh into a powerful cry and pierces the peacefulness of the vision.

As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip, his father handed him a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from boy's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own broad shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest, and ran to catch up with his parents.

As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip, his father handed him a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from boy's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest, and ran to catch up with his parents.

As his father began rowing for shore, Alaistar played tag with the waves. His shouts of joy echoed down the beach, joined by his mother's laughter. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough-hewn anchor into the sand, Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother. The fisherman leapt from the boat with a hug and a kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's pant leg, "Papa." His father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean oozed from his father's auburn skin. Popping the small boy into the boat, Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach, while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, rope nets, amd other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go. The market will be starting soon," came his mother's voice a few minutes later. And with that, Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.

As his father began rowing for shore, Alaistar played tag with the waves. His shouts of joy echoed down the beach, joined by his mother's laughter. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough-hewn anchor into the sand, Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother. Alaistar's father leapt from the boat with a hug and a kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's pant leg, "Papa." His father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean oozed from his father's auburn skin. Popping the small boy into the boat, Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach, while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, rope nets, amd other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go. The market will be starting soon," came his mother's voice a few minutes later. And with that, Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.

Alaistar had awoken with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. Afterwards, his mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father whose small boat, Alaistar knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods led them to a secluded section of beach - Alaistar's father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As Alaistar stepped from the treeline and his bare feet hit sand, he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. Alaistar called and waived with all his might to his father, who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.
As his father began rowing for shore, Alaistar played tag with the waves. His shouts of joy echoed down the beach, joined by his mother's laughter. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough-hewn anchor into the sand, Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother. Alaistar's father leapt from the boat with a hug and a kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's pant leg, "Papa." His father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean oozed from his father's auburn skin. Popping the small boy into the boat, Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach, while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, rope nets, amd other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go. The market will be starting soon," came his mother's voice a few minutes later. And with that, Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip, his father handed him a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from boy's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest, and ran to catch up with his parents.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. Alaistar and the other village children giggled as they played hide and seek, chasing each other through the crowd. But as the sun neared its peak in the sky, the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate, and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire, Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark, when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.
Alaistar's father carried his son back into the family's hut. After a long day followed by the evening fire, the boy's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. But though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through Alaistar's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind. In each dream, Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown, and rowing his own boat with powerful arms back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom. And at the edge of the water his parents stand waiting, his mother with open arms, his father waving. As Alaistar focused on the happiness in their faces, his mother's mouth starts to distort. The smile fades from her face and she begins to scream - her whole face beginning to melt as her beautful voice contorts from a gentle laugh into a powerful cry and pierces the peacefulness of the vision.
Alaistar jolted awake, already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in her attacker's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap and his mother darted back into the hut. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, crying out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Instead she moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor, and for the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame, wood splintering over his back and shoulders, ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head, pushing hard with his palm on the wound. Both of Alaistar's parents rushed toward their son, and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they advanced.
As the family neared the door, the soldier that had attacked Alaistar's mother pulled himself to his feet and charged the entire family, brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent, Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that Alaistar covered his ears, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed, again feebly grasping at the shaft of the poker. Alaistar's mother liften a hand to shield the boy's eyes from the gore, but it was too late. Alaistar stared, transfixed. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist, another soldier crossed the threshold.
With the intruder's sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to their attacker in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's shoulder, Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never moving to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees, his body cleaved almost in two. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar toward the door, and launched herself at the man who had slayed his father, digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up this new battle, his feet frozen in place, watching as blood began to course from the soldier's eye sockets and down his cheeks. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order, Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran from his home and into the night.
The world blurred around Alaistar as he sprinted through the village. The entire village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he exited the treeline and crested the highest dunes, Alaistar froze once more, suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast, and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance, two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's fishing boat.
With the thought of his father, Alaistar looked back towards the village and ran back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps, he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out, Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his armored chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms, but it was as if pushing a mountain. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. He felt himself sink, along with his captor, as the soldier stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult his captor to move gracefully in the sand and for a moment Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple them both. The man spoke harshly in a language Alaistar did not understand, but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body, knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through his body. The man continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt, Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye, and then he slipped into darkness. There saw a vision of himself, a warrior, as strong as Heracles, storming back into the home to rescue them both.
{{color text="Also, at first you have them going through a forest to get to the beach - then at the end you have him running over dunes after going down the same path - just seems inconsistent..." c="maroon"}} ''it's a trail through the forest/woods, but the trail lets out onto dunes and it's down the dunes to the rest of the beach/ocean, i've made an edit - tell me if that made it clearer''

Alaistar had awoken with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. Afterwards his mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father who's small boat, Alaistar knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods let them to a secluded section of beach - Alaistar's father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As Alaistar and his mother stepped from the treeline and Alaistar's bare feet hit sand he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. Alaistar called and waived with all his might to his father who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.
As his father began rowing for shore Alaistar played tag with the waves - his shouts of joy and his mother's laughs echoing down the beach. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough hewn anchor into the sand Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother. Alaistar's father leapt from the boat with a hug and a kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's pant leg, "Papa." His father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean itself oozed from his father's auburn skin. Popping Alaistar into the boat Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, rope nets, other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go - the market will be starting soon," his mother's voice came a few minutes later. And with that Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip his father handed him a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from boy's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. Alaistar and the other village children giggled as they played hide and seek - chasing each other through the crowd. But as the sun neared its peak in the sky the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.
Alaistar's father carried the boy back into the home. After a long day followed by the evening fire, Alaistar's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. And though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through Alaistar's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind. In each dream Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown. Of Alaistar's strong arms rowing his own boat back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom. And at the edge of the water his parents stand waiting, his mother with open arms and his father waving. As Alaistar focused on the happiness in their faces, his mother's mouth starts to distort. The smile fades from her face and she begins to scream - her whole face begining to melt as her high voice pierces the peacefulness of the vision.
Alaistar jolted awake already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in her attacker's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap and his mother moved back into the home. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, crying out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Instead she moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor and for the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents moved toward their son and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.
As the family neared the door the soldier that had attacked Alaistar's mother pulled himself to his feet and charged the entire family - brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that Alaistar covered his ears, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed again grasping feebly shaft of the poker. Alaistar's mother attempted to shield the boy's eyes from the gore, but it was too late. Alaistar stared, transfixed.. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
With his sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never thinking to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar toward the door and launched herself at the man who had slayed his father - digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up this new battle, his feet frozen in place. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran from his home and into the night.
Moving through the village the world around Alaistar seemed a blur. The village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he exited the treeline and crested the highest dunes Alaistar froze once more - suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple him and his captor. The man spoke harsh in a language Alaistar did not understand but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through his body. The man continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye - for an instant he saw a vision of himself, a warrior, ?as strong as Heracles?storming back into the home to rescue them both - and then he slipped into darkness.
{{color text="Also, at first you have them going through a forest to get to the beach - then at the end you have him running over dunes after going down the same path - just seems inconsistent..." c="maroon"}} ''it's a trail through the forest/woods, but the trail lets out onto dunes and it's down the dunes to the rest of the beach/ocean, i'll made an edit to make it clearer''

Alaistar jolted awake already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in her attacker's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap and his mother moved back into the home. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, crying out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Instead she moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor and for the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Moving through the village the world around Alaistar seemed a blur. The village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he exited the treeline and crested the highest dunes Alaistar froze once more - suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple him and his captor. The man spoke harsh in a language Alaistar did not understand but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through his body. The man continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye - for an instant he saw a vision of himself, a warrior, ?as strong as Heracles?storming back into the home to rescue them both - and then he slipped into darkness.

Alaistar jolted awake already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap and his mother moved back into the home. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, crying out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Instead she moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor and for the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Moving through the village the world around Alaistar seemed a blur. The village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he crested the highest dunes Alaistar froze once more - suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple him and his captor. The man spoke harsh in a language Alaistar did not understand but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through is body. The man continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye - for an instant he saw a vision of himself, a warrior, ?as strong as Heracles?storming back into the home to rescue them both - and then he slipped into darkness.

**I like it, the only part that I would change is the last paragraph, it ends kind of flat, I think that he can be knocked out a bit ealier and still get the same effect.** ''not sure what you mean. Are you saying it's too abrupt? are you suggesting expanding the description? or reworking the order - having him knocked out and then having a dream about rescuing his parents?''
{{color text="I like it too. It flows better than I remember with a more logical transition between events. There are some grammatical things that need some editing - happy to mark those if you like but I bet you'd find them on another read through. The only other thing I would mention is that you use Alaistar's name a lot to describe people or just 'the man' a lot where you also use soldiers - might think about trying to trim those down or use some different words (not the man but attacker - mercenary - beast - figure - whatever) as it gets a little repetitive to me when reading Alaistar's name over and over." c="maroon"}} ''i did see a bunch of grammer things - i'll change them - but don't ever hesitate to fix pure grammer/typo stuff. if it might be substantive or style just do the strikethrough thing and add your revision suggestion and i'll take a look (that's of you want to - of course). I'll work on the repetive stuff. Your suggestions for the attacker/slaver are good. Any for the parents? Keep in mind this narrative, though it may not be clear in the narrative itself, is designed to be a a recurring dreams of Alaistar's -- his first recollecation later on his village and one of very vew altogether (i think he has some other really vague impressions of things, but this is the most detail he has). and so he doesn't know his parents names so I can't put them in - see what i mean? thoughts?''
{{color text="Also, at first you have them going through a forest to get to the beach - then at the end you have him running over dunes after going down the same path - just seems inconsistent..." c="maroon"}} ''it's a trail through the forest/woods, but the trail lets out onto dunes and it's down the dunes to the rest of the beach/ocean, i'll made an edit to make it clearer''

**I like it, the only part that I would change is the last paragraph, it ends kind of flat, I think that he can be knocked out a bit ealier and still get the same effect.**
{{color text="I like it too. It flows better than I remember with a more logical transition between events. There are some grammatical things that need some editing - happy to mark those if you like but I bet you'd find them on another read through. The only other thing I would mention is that you use Alaistar's name a lot to describe people or just 'the man' a lot where you also use soldiers - might think about trying to trim those down or use some different words (not the man but attacker - mercenary - beast - figure - whatever) as it gets a little repetitive to me when reading Alaistar's name over and over." c="maroon"}}
{{color text="Also, at first you have them going through a forest to get to the beach - then at the end you have him running over dunes after going down the same path - just seems inconsistent..." c="maroon"}}

{{color text="Also, at first you have them going through a forest to get to the beach - then at the end you have him running over dunes after going down the same path - just seems inconsistent..." c="maroon"}}

{{color text="Also, at first you have them going through a forest to get to the beach - then at the end you have him running over dunes after going down the same path - just seems inconsistent..." c="maroon'}}

{{color text="I like it too. It flows better than I remember with a more logical transition between events. There are some grammatical things that need some editing - happy to mark those if you like but I bet you'd find them on another read through. The only other thing I would mention is that you use Alaistar's name a lot to describe people or just 'the man' a lot where you also use soldiers - might think about trying to trim those down or use some different words (not the man but attacker - mercenary - beast - figure - whatever) as it gets a little repetitive to me when reading Alaistar's name over and over." c="maroon"}}

**I like it, the only part that I would change is the last paragraph, it ends kind of flat, I think that he can be knocked out a bit ealier and still get the same effect.**

**Date:** 627 CE - Early Summer.

**Date:** 627 CE - Early Summer

Alaistar's father carried the boy back into the home. After a long day followed by the evening fire, Alaistar's small body was exhuasted. He was asleep and mumbling even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. And though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through Alaistar's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind. In each dream Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a image of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown. Of Alaistar's strong arms rowing his own boat back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom. And at the edge of the water his parents stand waiting, his mother with open arms and his father waving. As Alaistar focused on the happiness in their faces, his mother's mouth starts to distort. The smile fades from her face and she begins to scream - her whole face begining to melt as her high voice pierces the peacefulness of the vision.
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple him and his captor. The man spoke harsh in a language Alaistar did not understand but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through is body. The man continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye - for an instant he saw a vision of himself, a warrior, ?as strong as Heracles?storming back into the home to rescue them both - and then he slipped into darkness.

Alaistar's father carried the boy back into the home. After a long day Alaistar's small body was exhuasted and he was asleep even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. And though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through Alaistar's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind. In each dream Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a vision of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown. Of Alaistar's strong arms rowing his own boat back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom. And at the edge of the water his parents stand waiting, his mother with open arms and his father waving. As Alaistar focuses on the happiness in their faces, his mother's mouth starts to distort. The smile fades from her face and she begins to scream - her whole face begining to melt as her high voice pierces the peacefulness of the beach.
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple him and his captor. The man spoke harsh in a language Alaistar did not understand but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through is body. The man continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye - for an instant he saw a vision of himself, a warrior, storming back into the home ?as strong as Heracle? to rescue them both - and then he slipped into darkness.

As his father began rowing for shore Alaistar played tag with the waves - his shouts of joy and his mother's laughs echoing down the beach. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough hewn anchor into the sand Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother. Alaistar's father leapt from the boat with a hug and a kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's pant leg, "Papa." His father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean itself oozed from his father's auburn skin. Popping Alaistar into the boat Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, rope nets, other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go - the market will be starting soon," his mother's voice came a few minutes later. And with that Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
Alaistar's father carried the boy back into the home. After a long day Alaistar's small body was exhuasted and he was asleep even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead. And though his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night, and many from nights before, began to replay themselves through Alaistar's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind. In each dream Alaistar played a new part, and rescued a new maiden. But in the end, the life he most longed for came into his mind's eye - a vision of Alaistar tall and strong like his father, grown. Of Alaistar's strong arms rowing his own boat back to shore with loads of fish in the bottom. And at the edge of the water his parents stand waiting, his mother with open arms and his father waving. As Alaistar focuses on the happiness in their faces, his mother's mouth starts to distort. The smile fades from her face and she begins to scream - her whole face begining to melt as her high voice pierces the peacefulness of the beach.
Alaistar jolted awake already covering his ears. The cries of his mother still rang in his ears as he looked about the hut. He saw a large man dressed in metal holding his mother roughly at the elbow and trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap and his mother moved back into the home. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, crying out, "Mama!" but she did not rush to her son's side. Instead she moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor and for the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help, and too scared to move. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents moved toward their son and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.
As the family neared the door the soldier that had attacked Alaistar's mother pulled himself to his feet and charged the entire family - brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that Alaistar covered his ears, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed again grasping feebly shaft of the poker. Alaistar's mother attempted to shield the boy's eyes from the gore, but it was too late. Alaistar stared, transfixed.. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
With his sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man in an effort to protect her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, the fisherman never thinking to raise his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar toward the door and launched herself at the man who had slayed his father - digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. Alaistar looked up this new battle, his feet frozen in place. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's renewed order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran from his home and into the night.
Moving through the village the world around Alaistar seemed a blur. The village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he crested the highest dunes Alaistar froze once more - suprised to find himself blinking into an unexpected light. Torches peppered the coast and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. But after taking only a few steps he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned his panic into a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. He wanted to bite the man who held him, but his teeth only scraped metal. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple him and his captor. The man spoke harsh in a language Alaistar did not understand but what could only have been a curse. He crushed Alaistar even harder against his metal body knocking the wind from the boy and causing a stab of pain to sear through is body. The man continued forward and when Alaistar had caught his breath once more he saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. The man sneered at Alaistar with yellowed teeth. Mimicking his mother's act of defiance Alaistar spat into the soldier's craggy face with all the force he could muster. With a grunt Alaistar's captor threw the boy hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye - for an instant he saw a vision of himself, a warrior, storming back into the home ?as strong as Heracle? to rescue them both - and then he slipped into darkness.

.
As his father began rowing for shore Alaistar played tag with the waves - his shouts of joy and his mother's laughs echoing down the beach. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough hewn anchor into the sand Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother. Alaistar's father leapt from the boat with a hug and a kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's pant leg and his father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean itself oozed from his father's auburn skin. Popping Alaistar into the boat Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, rope nets, other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go - the market will be starting soon," his mother's voice came a few minutes later. And with that Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
After a long day Alaistar's small body was exhuasted and he was asleep even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead.
Though while his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night began to replay themselves through Alaistar's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind.
Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap and his mother moved back into the home. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, but she did not rush to her son's side. Instead she moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor and for the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents moved toward their son and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.
As the family neared the door the first man pulled himself to his feet and charged the family - brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that Alaistar covered his ears, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed again grasping feebly shaft of the poker. Though Alaistar's mother attempted to shield the boy's eyes from the gore the boy stared transfixed. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
With his sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man in an effort to shield her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, never raising his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar toward the door and launched herself at the man who had slayed his father - digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran into the night.
Moving through the village the world around Alaistar seemed a blur. The village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he crested the highest dunes Alaistar froze once more - finding himself blinded by new light. Torches peppered the coast and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking only a few steps he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned to a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. Though he could not free himself Alaistar knew he was making things more difficult for the man who held him. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple the pair more then once. But the man continued forward and Alaistar saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. Seeing the man's face for the first time Alaistar mimicked his mother's defiance and spat with all the force he could muster. A moment later he was thrown hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye and then he slipped into darkness.
**Ending is a bit abrupt, you have an opportunity I think to bring it back around to the dream at the start. But good pace bringing it back to darkness at the end. I would also think that a description of the captors face before he spits in it would be good.
Lastly there is very little dialogue, I think you can still slow things down and add more description and dialogue and make it a stronger narrative.**
//I don't get a good sense of how old he is in this scene. I'm assuming he's pretty young but given what's here, he could be 4 or he could be 9 (those are arbitrary ages, just to give an idea of the range that I see.) I can totally see him mimicking what his mother did and struggling back but it seems odd that someone so small is going to topple an armed soldier. Why don't they just knock him out? I would think one swift blow to his head would make him that much easier to capture? What about biting as a method of struggle?//
//Bringing it full circle might help make it feel more cohesive. I'm not sure when / where he's dreaming at the beginning. He could be at FON or just before Sotherby's or right before he kills that other slave guy. Maybe you could start the whole piece with him falling asleep having just seen a fishing boat or smelled fresh fish or something that inspires the memory induced dream and then when he wakes up he's all pumped to go help people who are about to be captured or is dealing with his surroundings as a slave with more resolve because of the courage his parents showed in the face of overwhelming odds.//

Alaistar had awoken with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. Afterwards his mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father who's small boat, Alaistar knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods let them to a secluded section of beach - Alaistar's father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As Alaistar and his mother stepped from the treeline and Alaistar's bare feet hit sand he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. Alaistar called and waived with all his might to his father who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.
As his father began rowing for shore Alaistar played tag with the waves - his shouts of joy and his mother's laughs echoing down the beach. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough hewn anchor into the sand Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother. Alaistar's father leapt from the boat with a hug and a kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's pant leg and his father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. The smell of the ocean itself oozed from his father's auburn skin. Popping Alaistar into the boat Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, rope nets, other tools of his father's trade that were littered around the boat. "It's time to go - the market will be starting soon," his mother's voice came a few minutes later. And with that Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. Alaistar and the other village children giggled as they played hide and seek - chasing each other through the crowd. But as the sun neared its peak in the sky the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.
After a long day Alaistar's small body was exhuasted and he was asleep even before his mother had the chance to give him a soft peck on the forehead.
Though while his body rested, Alaistar's mind continued to race. The stories shared around the evening fire that night began to replay themselves through Alaistar's dreams. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind.
Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap and his mother moved back into the home. Alaistar stretched his arms towards his mother, but she did not rush to her son's side. Instead she moved towards some ongoing struggle on the floor and for the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground.
Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar's eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help. As the man began to bludgeon his father with his metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents moved toward their son and his mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes were already overflowing, but for a moment he felt relief in his mother's arms. His father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.
As the family neared the door the first man pulled himself to his feet and charged the family - brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The shrieking was so loud that Alaistar covered his ears, but the muffled cries still pierced him as the man collapsed again grasping feebly shaft of the poker. Though Alaistar's mother attempted to shield the boy's eyes from the gore the boy stared transfixed. As his father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
With his sword poised high to strike Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man in an effort to shield her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, never raising his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar toward the door and launched herself at the man who had slayed his father - digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran into the night.
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking only a few steps he felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned to a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. Though he could not free himself Alaistar knew he was making things more difficult for the man who held him. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple the pair more then once. But the man continued forward and Alaistar saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. Seeing the man's face for the first time Alaistar mimicked his mother's defiance and spat with all the force he could muster. A moment later he was thrown hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye and then he slipped into darkness.

Alaistar had awoken with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. Afterwards his mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father who's small boat, Alaistar knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods let them took to a secluded section of beach - Alaistar's father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As Alaistar and his mother stepped from the treeline and Alaistar barefoot hit sand he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. Alaistar called and waived with all his might to his father who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.
As his father began rowing for shore Alaistar played tag with the waves - his shouts of joy and his mother's laughs echoing down the beach. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough hewn anchor into the sand Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother. Alaistar's father leapt from the boat with a hug and a kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's pant leg and his father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. Popping Alaistar into the boat Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, rope nets, other tools his father's trade littered around the boat. "It's time to go - the market will be starting soon," his mother's voice came a few minutes later. And with that Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. Alaistar and the other village children giggled as they played hide and seek - chasing each other through the crowd. As the sun neared its peak in the sky the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.
The story Mistress Kore told the children that night began to replay itself through Alaistar's dream. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind, but before the story could finish once more a woman's scream brought Alaistar out of his dream.
Something about Alaistar liking the stories, but wanting to be a fisherman like his father.
**Those three paragraphs are solid, good imagery. I think your missing an opportunity to play with the story a bit, as a metaphore, (story within a story, and you can really push metaphore here since you have total control since its a dream.)**
//Perhaps I'm just dense, but I totally missed the fact that this was a dream in the beginning. I think that has to do with trying to keep track of everything in that run on sentence. Then when you bring in another dream here - "...to replay itself through Alaistar's dream..." I get confused. I'm not sure if this is the bigger dream that contains the whole memory or the dream that the boy is having that night after the slippery fish and happy village gathering. I get the idea that he was sleeping and the attackers wake him up but it just feels disjointed to me because I'm not clear on what's a dream, what's a memory and what's actually happening.//
//Also, it seems odd that the storyteller is the only one with a name here. I realize this is Alaistar's story but his folks have names or maybe you could use whatever is Greek for mom and dad, just to change it up from "Alaistar's mother" and "Alaistar's father" which gets a bit repetitive.//
Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother
**There is a bit of a shift of perspective here, I can't quite put my finger on it but it reads a bit weird.**
//I agree with that. I feel like the beginning is more in Alaistar's head (with him being amused by the fish and then happy playing hide and seek) but then you start looking at it more omnipotently rather from the boy's perspective.//
moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help.
As the man began to bludgeon Alaistar's father with his metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents moved toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes began to overflow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.
**You use Alaistair alot here, I think you could use a different word for readability, (The small child, he, the youth, etc.), It might also help if you give your parents names, or just use father and mother thoughout instead of "Alaistars mother" Aliastar's father, etc.**
As the famly //family?// neared the door the first man pulled himself to his feet and charged the famly //family?// - brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The man collapsed again grasping feebly shaft of the poker.
**I would think there would be screaming here.**
Though Alaistar's mother attempted to shield the boy's eyes from the gore Alaistar stared transfixed. As Alaistar's father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
With his sword poised high for a strike on Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man in an effort to shield her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, never raising his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar toward the door and launched herself at the man who had slayed his father - digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran into the night.
//I didn't think Alaistar's dad had a sword here ("...falling blade, never raising his own..."). I thought he had a poker?//
//I feel like she might say a bit more than just RUN! Alaistar etc - like cursing out the bastards, or just screaming like some primal force of rage and wrath.//
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking only a few steps Alaistar felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned to a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. Though he could not free himself Alaistar knew he was making things more difficult for the man who held him. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple the pair more then once. But the man continued forward and Alaistar saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. Seeing the man's face for the first time Alaistar mimicked his mother's defiance and spat with all the force he could muster. A moment later he was thrown hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye and then he slipped into darkness.

Alaistar had awoken with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. Afterwards his mother took him by the hand and they went down to the shore to meet his father who's small boat, Alaistar knew, had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar skipped up and down as his mother hummed an airy tune. Their path through the woods let them took to a secluded section of beach - Alaistar's father's special fishing place, away from all the other fishermen. As Alaistar and his mother stepped from the treeline and Alaistar barefoot hit sand he released his mother's hand and ran full speed to the edge of the lapping waves. Alaistar called and waived with all his might to his father who looked up with a broad smile and waived back.
As his father began rowing for shore Alaistar played tag with the waves - his shouts of joy and his mother's laughs echoing down the beach. By the time Alaistar's father steered his boat onto the shore and dropped his rough hewn anchor into the sand Alaistar had soaked himself and his mother. Alaistar's father leapt from the boat with a hug and a kiss for his wife. Alaistar pulled at his father's pant leg and his father reached down and tossed the boy into the air before catching him and giving him a hug and a kiss of his own. Popping Alaistar into the boat Alaistar's father began unloading his baskets of fish onto the beach while Alaistar scrutinized the wooden oars, rope nets, other tools his father's trade littered around the boat. "It's time to go - the market will be starting soon," his mother's voice came a few minutes later. And with that Alaistar leapt from the boat into his father's waiting arms with a wet splat.
As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip his father handed him a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from boy's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams: waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother, his mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore, Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours.
add in a description of the paths - Father's special fishing spot - away from the other fishermen.
**This is a giant run on sentence (which I think you fixed with the : and what not, but it makes it hard to read) I think if you split this up into seperate sentences it would be easier to read.**
Alaistar's father had waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore. Dropping his rough hewn anchor into the sand he leapt from the boat with hugs and kisses for his wife and child before starting to unload his baskets of fish.
Alaistar's parents talking casually as Alaistar plays - splashing a foot into the receding waves . . . trying to climb into his father's boat but not yet strong enough to pull himself up. His father grabs his by the hips and pops him to the boat. Parents say it's time to go - the market will be starting soon. Alaistar climbs to the bow of the boat and leaps into his father's arms as his mother . .. His father promises that tomorrow Alaistar can go with his father.
As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.

add in a description of the paths - Father's special fishing spot - away from the other fishermen.
Alaistar's father had waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore. Dropping his rough hewn anchor into the sand he leapt from the boat with hugs and kisses for his wife and child before starting to unload his baskets of fish.
Alaistar's parents talking casually as Alaistar plays - splashing a foot into the receding waves . . . trying to climb into his father's boat but not yet strong enough to pull himself up. His father grabs his by the hips and pops him to the boat. Parents say it's time to go - the market will be starting soon. Alaistar climbs to the bow of the boat and leaps into his father's arms as his mother . .. His father promises that tomorrow Alaistar can go with his father.
As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
The story Mistress Kore told the children that night began to replay itself through Alaistar's dream. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind, but before the story could finish once more a woman's scream brought Alaistar out of his dream.
Something about Alaistar liking the stories, but wanting to be a fisherman like his father.

//I agree with the length of this sentence making it awkward to read. It just seems to contain too much information to absorb in one blow. I'd break it up in to separate thoughts. You could try to adopt an 'ocean like' pace, like a calm surge of waves and then disrupt that when the attack comes.//
Alaistar's father had waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child.
**Word choice here, maybe (...baskets of fish, as well as hugs and kisses, all for his wife and child...) Its also strange that you have the big list in the beginning, and then you are still describing the day here. I would spread this all out into several paragraphs, spend some time here this is your establishing shot where you are drawing the reader in.**
As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
//I agree again with slowing this down. I don't get a firm notion of them on a beach that I can see, nor what kind of boat the guy has, or that he's coming to shore, then tieing up the vessel and then disembarking with his catch. I think if so slow it here you can reinforce the larger picture of a happy family with more solidity that then makes the next section that much more of a terrible event.//
The story Mistress Kore told the children that night began to replay itself through Alaistar's dream. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind, but before the story could finish once more a woman's scream brought Alaistar out of his dream.

//I agree with the length of this sentence making it awkward to read. It just seems to contain too much information to absorb in one blow. I'd break it up in to separate thoughts. You could try to adopt an 'ocean like' pace, like a calm surge of waves and then disrupt that when the attack comes.//
**Word choice here, maybe (...baskets of fish, as well as hugs and kisses, all for his wife and child...) Its also strange that you have the big list in the beginning, and then you are still describing the day here. I would spread this all out into several paragraphs, spend some time here this is your establishing shot where you are drawing the reader in.**
//I agree again with slowing this down. I don't get a firm notion of them on a beach that I can see, nor what kind of boat the guy has, or that he's coming to shore, then tieing up the vessel and then disembarking with his catch. I think if so slow it here you can reinforce the larger picture of a happy family with more solidity that then makes the next section that much more of a terrible event.//
**Those three paragraphs are solid, good imagery. I think your missing an opportunity to play with the story a bit, as a metaphore, (story within a story, and you can really push metaphore here since you have total control since its a dream.)**
//Perhaps I'm just dense, but I totally missed the fact that this was a dream in the beginning. I think that has to do with trying to keep track of everything in that run on sentence. Then when you bring in another dream here - "...to replay itself through Alaistar's dream..." I get confused. I'm not sure if this is the bigger dream that contains the whole memory or the dream that the boy is having that night after the slippery fish and happy village gathering. I get the idea that he was sleeping and the attackers wake him up but it just feels disjointed to me because I'm not clear on what's a dream, what's a memory and what's actually happening.//
//Also, it seems odd that the storyteller is the only one with a name here. I realize this is Alaistar's story but his folks have names or maybe you could use whatever is Greek for mom and dad, just to change it up from "Alaistar's mother" and "Alaistar's father" which gets a bit repetitive.//
//I agree with that. I feel like the beginning is more in Alaistar's head (with him being amused by the fish and then happy playing hide and seek) but then you start looking at it more omnipotently rather from the boy's perspective.//
**You use Alaistair alot here, I think you could use a different word for readability, (The small child, he, the youth, etc.), It might also help if you give your parents names, or just use father and mother thoughout instead of "Alaistars mother" Aliastar's father, etc.**
As the famly //family?// neared the door the first man pulled himself to his feet and charged the famly //family?// - brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The man collapsed again grasping feebly shaft of the poker.
//I didn't think Alaistar's dad had a sword here ("...falling blade, never raising his own..."). I thought he had a poker?//
//I feel like she might say a bit more than just RUN! Alaistar etc - like cursing out the bastards, or just screaming like some primal force of rage and wrath.//
**Ending is a bit abrupt, you have an opportunity I think to bring it back around to the dream at the start. But good pace bringing it back to darkness at the end. I would also think that a description of the captors face before he spits in it would be good.
Lastly there is very little dialogue, I think you can still slow things down and add more description and dialogue and make it a stronger narrative.**
//I don't get a good sense of how old he is in this scene. I'm assuming he's pretty young but given what's here, he could be 4 or he could be 9 (those are arbitrary ages, just to give an idea of the range that I see.) I can totally see him mimicking what his mother did and struggling back but it seems odd that someone so small is going to topple an armed soldier. Why don't they just knock him out? I would think one swift blow to his head would make him that much easier to capture? What about biting as a method of struggle?//
//Bringing it full circle might help make it feel more cohesive. I'm not sure when / where he's dreaming at the beginning. He could be at FON or just before Sotherby's or right before he kills that other slave guy. Maybe you could start the whole piece with him falling asleep having just seen a fishing boat or smelled fresh fish or something that inspires the memory induced dream and then when he wakes up he's all pumped to go help people who are about to be captured or is dealing with his surroundings as a slave with more resolve because of the courage his parents showed in the face of overwhelming odds.//

**Word choice here, maybe (...baskets of fish, as well as hugs and kisses, all for his wife and child...) Its also strange that you have the big list in the begining, and then you are still describing the day here. I would spread this all out into several paragraphs, spend some time here this is your establishing shot where you are drawing the reader in.**
**Those three paragraphs are solid, good imagery. I think your missing an opertunity to play with the story a bit, as a metaphore, (story within a story, and you can really push metaphore here since you have total control since its a dream.)**
**You use Alaistair alot here, I think you could use a diffrent word for readability, (The small child, he, the youth, etc.), It might also help if you give your parents names, or just use father and mother thoughout instead of "Alaistars mother" Aliastar's father, etc.**
As the famly neared the door the first man pulled himself to his feet and charged the famly - brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The man collapsed again grasping feebly shaft of the poker.
**Ending is a bit abrupt, you have an opertunity I think to bring it back around to the dream at the start. But good pace bringing it back to darkness at the end. I would also think that a description of the captors face beforehe spits in it would be good.
Lastly there is very little dialogue, I think you can still slow things down and add more description and dialgoue and make it a stronger narative.**

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams: waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother, his mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore, Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours.
**This is a giant run on sentence (which I think you fixed with the : and what not, but it makes it hard to read) I think if you split this up into seperate sentences it would be easier to read.**
Alaistar's father had waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child.
**Word choice here, maybe (...baskets of fish, as well as hugs and kisses, all for his wife and child...) Its also strange that you have the big list in the begining, and then you are still describing the day here. I would spread this all out into several paragraphs, spend some time here this is your establishing shot where you are drawing the reader in.**
As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
**Those three paragraphs are solid, good imagery. I think your missing an opertunity to play with the story a bit, as a metaphore, (story within a story, and you can really push metaphore here since you have total control since its a dream.)**
Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother
**There is a bit of a shift of perspective here, I can't quite put my finger on it but it reads a bit weird.**
moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help.
**You use Alaistair alot here, I think you could use a diffrent word for readability, (The small child, he, the youth, etc.), It might also help if you give your parents names, or just use father and mother thoughout instead of "Alaistars mother" Aliastar's father, etc.**
As the famly neared the door the first man pulled himself to his feet and charged the famly - brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The man collapsed again grasping feebly shaft of the poker.
**I would think there would be screaming here.**
Though Alaistar's mother attempted to shield the boy's eyes from the gore Alaistar stared transfixed. As Alaistar's father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
**Ending is a bit abrupt, you have an opertunity I think to bring it back around to the dream at the start. But good pace bringing it back to darkness at the end. I would also think that a description of the captors face beforehe spits in it would be good.
Lastly there is very little dialogue, I think you can still slow things down and add more description and dialgoue and make it a stronger narative.**

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams: waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother, his mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore, Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father had waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help.
As the famly neared the door the first man pulled himself to his feet and charged the famly - brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The man collapsed again grasping feebly shaft of the poker. Though Alaistar's mother attempted to shield the boy's eyes from the gore Alaistar stared transfixed. As Alaistar's father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.

.

With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking only a few steps Alaistar felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned to a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. Though he could not free himself Alaistar knew he was making things more difficult for the man who held him. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar's efforts threatened to topple the pair more then once. But the man continued forward and Alaistar saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. Seeing the man's face for the first time Alaistar mimicked his mother's defiance and spat with all the force he could muster. A moment later he was thrown hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye and then he slipped into darkness.

With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking only a few steps Alaistar felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned to a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. Though he could not free himself Alaistar knew he was making things more difficult for the man who held him. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar efforts threatened to topple the pair more then once. But the man continued forward and Alaistar saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. Seeing the man's face for the first time Alaistar mimicked his mother's defiance and spat with all the force he could muster. A moment later he was thrown hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye and then he slipped into darkness.

With his sword poised high for a strike on Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man in an effort to shield her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, never raising his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacker and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar toward the door and launched herself at the man who had slayed his father - digging her fingernails deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran into the night.

With his sword poised high for a strike on Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man in an effort to shield her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, never raising his own. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacked and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar to the door and launched herself at the man who slayed his father - digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran into the night.

With his sword poised high for a strike on Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man in an effort to shield her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, never raising his own sword. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacked and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar to the door and launched herself at the man who slayed his father - digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran into the night.

With his sword poised high for a strike on Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man an effort to shield her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, never raising his own sword. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacked and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar to the door and launched herself at the man who slayed his father - digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran into the night.

As the man began to bludgeon Alaistar's father with his metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents moved toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar's eyes began to overflow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.

As the man began to bludgeon Alaistar's father with his metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents moved toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar eyes began to over flow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.

As the man began to bludgeon Alaistar's father with metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents moved toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar eyes began to over flow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.

Moving through the village the world around Alaistar seemed a blur. The village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach using the same path he had walked with his parents that morning. As he crested the highest dunes Alaistar froze once more - finding himself blinded by new light. Torches peppered the coast and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.

Moving through the village the world around Alaistar seemed a blur. The village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach. As he crested the highest dunes Alaistar froze once more - finding himself blinded by new light. Torches peppered the coast and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.

With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking only a few steps Alaistar felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned him and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned to a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled through his tears. Though he could not free himself Alaistar knew he was making things more difficult for the man who held him. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar efforts threatened to topple the pair more then once. But the man continued forward and Alaistar saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. Seeing the man's face for the first time Alaistar mimicked his mother's defiance and spat with all the force he could muster. A moment later he was thrown hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye and then he slipped into darkness.

With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking on a few steps Alaistar felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned to a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled and through his tears. Though he could not free himself Alaistar knew his was making things more difficult for the man who held him. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar efforts threatened to topple the pair more then once. But the man continued forward and Alaistar saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. Seeing the man's face for the first time Alaistar mimiced his mother's defiance and spat with all the force he could muster. A moment later he was thrown hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye and then he slipped into darkness.

Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help.

Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughtly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help.

As the man began to bludgeon Alaistar's father with metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents moved toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar eyes began to over flow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.

As the man began to bludgeon Alaistar's father with metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side and leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar eyes began to over flow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.

As the man began to bludgeon Alaistar's father with metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar eyes began to over flow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.

Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughtly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as he tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help.

Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughtly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as the man tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help.

Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughtly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as the man tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed - not knowing how to help.
As the man began to bludgeon Alaistar's father with metal-clad arm Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar eyes began to over flow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.

Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughtly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as the man tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed.
At the man began to bludgeon his father with metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar eyes began to over flow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.

With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking on a few steps Alaistar felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned to a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled and through his tears. Though he could not free himself Alaistar knew his was making things more difficult for the man who held him. The heavy armor made it difficult to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar efforts threatened to topple the pair more then once. But the man continued forward and Alaistar saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from the armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. Seeing the man's face for the first time Alaistar mimiced his mother's defiance and spat with all the force he could muster. A moment later he was thrown hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye and then he slipped into darkness.

With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking on a few steps Alaistar felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase. Alaistar's captor turned and crushed him hard again his metal chest. Alaistar pushed against his captor with his head and arms without success. His frustrated efforts turned to a cry of rage in his throat. He felt them sink as his captor stepped into the soft sand and knew he was being carried back onto the beach. Struggling wildly, Alaistar kicked and yelled and through his tears. Though he could not free himself Alaistar knew his was making things more difficult for the man who held him. The heavy armor making it difficutl to move gracefully in the sand and Alaistar efforts threatened to topple the pair more then once. But the man continued forward and Alaistar saw that they were among the lighted torches. Finally, Alaistar's captor pulled Alaistar away from his armor with both hands and held the boy aloft. Seeing the man's face for the first time Alaistar mimiced his mother's defiance and spat with all the force he could muster. A moment later he was thrown hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye and then he slipped into darkness.

With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking on a few steps Alaistar felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase.
Through his tears Alaistar saw that he had been carried into the light and was moving down the beach. When they reached the shoreline Alaistar was thrown hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye before he slipped into darkness.

Moving through the village the world around Alaistar seemed a blur. The village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without thought he ran to the beach. As he crested the highest dunes Alaistar froze once more - finding himself blinded by new light. Torches peppered the coast and when his vision cleared Alaistar could see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking on a few steps Alaistar felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaistar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase.

Moving through the village the world around Alaistar seemed a blur. The village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without though he ran to the beach. As he crested the highest dunes Alaistar froze once more - finding himself blinded by new light.Torches pepper the coast and when his vision clears Alaistar can see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these large ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking on a few steps Alaistar felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaitar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams: waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother, his mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore, Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father had waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams: waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother, his mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore, Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.

With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking on a few steps Alaistar felt rough hands wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaitar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase.

With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking on a few steps Alaistar felt rough hand wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaitar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams: waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother, his mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore, Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. Alaistar and the other village children giggled as they played hide and seek - chasing each other through the crowd. As the sun neared its peak in the sky the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.
At the man began to bludgeon his father with metal-clad arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar eyes began to over flow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.
With his sword poised high for a strike on Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man an effort to shield her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, never raising his own sword. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacked and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar to the door and launched herself at the man who slayed his father - digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran into the night.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams. Waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. His mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore. Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. Alaistar and the other village children giggled as they play hide and seek - chasing each other through the crowd. As the sun neared its peak in the sky the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.
At the man began to bludgeon his father with metal shot arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar eyes began to over flow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.
With his sword poised high for a strike on Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man an effort to shield her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, never raising his own sword. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacked and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. rops "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar to the door and launched herself at the man who slayed his father - digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran into the night.

Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughtly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came from Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as the man tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed.

Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughtly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as the man tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams. Waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. His mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore. Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket overflowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. Alaistar and the other village children giggled as they play hide and seek - chasing each other through the crowd. As the sun neared its peak in the sky the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams. Waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. His mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore. Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket over flowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. Alaistar and the other village children giggle as they play hide and seek - chasing each other through the crowd. As the sun neared its peak in the sky the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams. Waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. His mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore. Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed Alaistar a large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket over flowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams. Waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. His mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore. Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto each hip Alaistar's father handed one large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket over flowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams. Waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. His mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore. Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto eaach hip Alaistar's father handed one large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket over flowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.

Through his tears Alaistar saw that he had been carried into the light and was moving down the beach. When they reached the shoreline Alaistar was thrown hard into a rowboat. As his head bounced off the wooden gunwale Alaistar saw the faces of his parents in his mind's eye before he slipped into darkness.

Through his tears Alaistar saw that he had been carried into the light and was moving down the beach. When they reached the shoreline Alaistar was thrown hard into a rowboat, his head bouncing off the wooden gunwale.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams. Waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. His mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore. Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with baskets of fish and hugs and kisses for his wife and child. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto eaach hip Alaistar's father handed one large fish to carry back to the family hut, laughing as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket over flowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. Alaistar and the other village children giggle as they play hide and seek - chasing each other through the crowd. As the sun neared its peak in the sky the energy of the village seemed to slowly evaporate and during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until dark when the villagers came together and socialized around the evening fire.
The story Mistress Kore told the children that night began to replay itself through Alaistar's dream. Visions of ancient warriors and sensual goddesses played in Alaistar's mind, but before the story could finish once more a woman's scream brought Alaistar out of his dream.
Alaistar awoke to the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal held her roughtly at the elbow and was trying to pull her from the home. Alaistar tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes, unsure if he was still dreaming. Another cry came Alaistar's mother and Alaistar saw her spit in the man's face and then kick him in the groin as the man tried to clean his eyes. The man collapsed in a heap as mother moved back into the home For the first time Alaistar saw that there were two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father wrestled with another armored man. His father struggled valiently, but the other man was much larger and it was clear, even to the small boy, that the fisherman would soon lose to the soldier. Tears welled in Alaistar eyes, but the boy only stared from his sleeping mat, paralyzed.
At the man began to bludgeon his father with metal shot arm, Alaistar's mother entered the fray, using two hands to bring her weaving stool crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father pushed the limp body to the side leapt to his feet, his arm moving instinctively to staunch the flow of blood from his head. Both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar. Alaistar's mother pulled the stunned boy from his mat and took him into her arms. Alaistar eyes began to over flow but no sound came from the boy. Alaistar's father led the way to the door of the hut, pulling a metal poker from the cooking fire as they moved.
As the famly neared the door the first man pulled himself to his feet and charged the famly - brandishing his sword. Quicker on his feet than his armored opponent Alaistar's father dodged the first blow and thrust the poker into the man's eye with a sizzle and a pop. The man collapsed again grasping feebly shaft of the poker. Though Alaistar's mother attempted to shield the boy's eyes from the gore Alaistar stared transfixed. As Alaistar's father bent down and hefted the abandoned sword awkwardly in his fist another soldier crossed the threshold.
With his sword poised high for a strike on Alaistar and his mother, Alaistar's mother turned her back to the man an effort to shield her son from the killing blow. Looking over his mother's should Alaistar watched as his father jumped into the path of the falling blade, never raising his own sword. With a spurt of blood, the metal sunk deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother whirled back to face their attacked and screamed at the sight of her husband dropping to his knees. Alaistar felt his mother's arms loosen and he fell to his feet. rops "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" she screamed as she shoved Alaistar to the door and launched herself at the man who slayed his father - digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" At his mother's order Alaistar felt power flow back into his limbs and he ran into the night.
Moving through the village the world around Alaistar seemed a blur. The village swirled in chaos. Villagers ran in every direction - some turned to fight their attackers, but those that did were quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night was powerless to hide the carnage. Alaistar moved away from the huts and into the darkness of the trees. Without though he ran to the beach. As he crested the highest dunes Alaistar froze once more - finding himself blinded by new light.Torches pepper the coast and when his vision clears Alaistar can see a dozen rowboats lining the shore. In the distance two large ships bobbed on the ocean. Alaistar stood in awe at these large ships that dwarfed his father's own fishing boat.
With the thought of his father Alaistar looked back towards the village and began to move back into the darkness towards home. After taking on a few steps Alaistar felt rough hand wrap around him and jerk him into the air. Crying out Alaitar tried to fight, but his arms were pinned hard against his own chest and his legs could find no purchase.
Through his tears Alaistar saw that he had been carried into the light and was moving down the beach. When they reached the shoreline Alaistar was thrown hard into a rowboat, his head bouncing off the wooden gunwale.

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams. Waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. His mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore. Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with hugs and kisses for his wife and child, and baskets of fish. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto eaach hip Alaistar's father handed one large fish to carry back to the family hut. His father laughed as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket over flowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. But during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until evening until the villagers came together and socialized
Late one night Alaistar's village is raided by slavers. Alaistar is awoken by the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal has grabbed her by the elbow and is pulling her from the family's home. Alaistar's mother spits in the man's face and then kicks him in the groin as he wipes his eyes. As his mother moves back into the home Alaistar sees for the first time that there are two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father is wrestling with another armored man. He struggles valiently, but the other man is much larger and it's clear the fisherman will soon lose to the soldier. Alaistar's's mother brings a solid wooden chair crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father leaps to his feet and both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar - pulling the stunned boy from his sleeping mat. Alaistar's mother takes Alaistar into her arms and the family moves towards the door of their hut with Alaistar's father leading the way. ''They pause as Alaistar's father bends down to pick up the sword laying next to his unconscious foe. As he takes hold of the weapon the man Alaistar's mother disabled recovers from the earlier attack and charges at Alaistar and his mother'' with his sword poised high for a strike. Acting on instinct Alaistar's father jumps into the swinging blade, never raising his own sword. With a spurt of blood, metal sinks deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother screams and drops Alaistar to his feet yelling, "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" She shoves Alaistar to the door and Alaistar sees his mother attack the man who slayed his father - her fingers digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" With that Alaistar turns into the night and runs as fast has his legs will carry him. As he flees the village swirls around him in chaos. Villagers run in every direction - some turn to fight their attackers, but those that do are quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night hides none of the carnage. Alaistar moves away from the huts and into the darkness. Without thought he runs towards the beach. As he crests the dunes he freezes in awe - finding himself in the light once more: torches pepper the coast; a dozen rowboats line the shore; and in the distance two large ships bob on the ocean. Alaistar stands motionless in awe - thinking only how these large ships dwarf his father's own fishing boat. Alaistar looks back towards the village. As he moves into the darkness he is grabbed by rough hands. He cries out and tries to fight, but his arms are pressed tights against his own chest and his legs can find no purchase as he is lifted into the air. Alaistar is carried back onto the beach and loaded into a row boat.
''kel - the part i have greened i don't really like . . . so pay particularly close attention to that but feel free to comment on all of it.''
**I don't have a problem with anything that happens. Stylistically though its very disjointed, it has no pace and, I think would be better if broken up into different paragraphs with more pauses in between.**
''well, it started out being just a summary. and then sort of morphed into a psuedo narrative . . . ++you think i should reduce it into a simple summary or more fully develop it into a complete narrative?++'' ''Okay - so, not sure if this is obvious, but I've decided to turn it into a narrative . . . will rework. I, as always, am open to any suggestions you have (you know - something more specific than "it's very disjointed and has no pace"). I think pace my be a problem as it's a very short narrative - do you have any suggestions for something to add to make it longer or do you think I can improve case without adding much action?''
**I dont think you need action to add pace, you need discription and timing.**
**I still think its pace, I think most of the problem is that you started with a summary, and then go to a narative. It lacks a clear perspecitve, which I think would help it. I think its a good outline, but just needs more description, and pace.**

Images danced through Alaistar's mind as he relived the day, smiling, in his dreams. Waking with the break of day to a warm meal prepared by his mother. His mother taking him by the hand and walking down to the shore. Alaistar calling and waving with all his might to his father, whose small boat had already been bobbing on the waves for hours. Alaistar's father waved back with a broad smile and returned to shore with hugs and kisses for his wife and child, and baskets of fish. As Alaistar's mother hoisted a basket onto eaach hip Alaistar's father handed one large fish to carry back to the family hut. His father laughed as the slimy thing slipped from Alaistar's small grasp. Alaistar's father lifted an enormous basket over flowing with fish onto his own shoulders with a grunt and began walking for home. Alaistar quickly snatched the fish from the sand, hugged it with two hands to his chest and ran to catch up with his parents.
For the next few hours the village bustled with energy as the villagers traded with one another. But during the hottest part of the day everyone retreated into their huts. As the midday meal simmered over a small fire Alaistar's parents played games with him. They would rest until evening until the villagers came together and socialized

~~Insert activites of the previous day, slippery fish, playing with mom, dad.~~

**I dont think you need action to add pace, you need discription and timing.**

Insert activites of the previous day, slippery fish, playing with mom, dad.

**I still think its pace, I think most of the problem is that you started with a summary, and then go to a narative. It lacks a clear perspecitve, which I think would help it. I think its a good outline, but just needs more description, and pace.**

**Date:** 627 CE - Early Summer
''well, it started out being just a summary. and then sort of morphed into a psuedo narrative . . . ++you think i should reduce it into a simple summary or more fully develop it into a complete narrative?++'' ''Okay - so, not sure if this is obvious, but I've decided to turn it into a narrative . . . will rework. I, as always, am open to any suggestions you have (you know - something more specific than "it's very disjointed and has no pace"). I think pace my be a problem as it's a very short narrative - do you have any suggestions for something to add to make it longer or do you think I can improve case without adding much action?''

**Date:** 627 CE - Summer
''well, it started out being just a summary. and then sort of morphed into a psuedo narrative . . . you think i should reduce it into a simple summary or more fully develop it into a complete narrative?''

''well, it started out being just a summary. and then sort of morphed into a psuedo narrative . . . you think i should reduce it into a simple summary or more fully develop it into a complete narrative?''

**I don't have a problem with anything that happens. Stylistically though its very disjointed, it has no pace and, I think would be better if broken up into different paragraphs with more pauses in between.**

Late one night Alaistar's village is raided by slavers. Alaistar is awoken by the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal has grabbed her by the elbow and is pulling her from the family's home. Alaistar's mother spits in the man's face and then kicks him in the groin as he wipes his eyes. As his mother moves back into the home Alaistar sees for the first time that there are two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father is wrestling with another armored man. He struggles valiently, but the other man is much larger and it's clear the fisherman will soon lose to the soldier. Alaistar's's mother brings a solid wooden chair crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father leaps to his feet and both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar - pulling the stunned boy from his sleeping mat. Alaistar's mother takes Alaistar into her arms and the family moves towards the door of their hut with Alaistar's father leading the way. ''They pause as Alaistar's father bends down to pick up the sword laying next to his unconscious foe. As he takes hold of the weapon the man Alaistar's mother disabled recovers from the earlier attack and charges at Alaistar and his mother'' with his sword poised high for a strike. Acting on instinct Alaistar's father jumps into the swinging blade, never raising his own sword. With a spurt of blood, metal sinks deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother screams and drops Alaistar to his feet yelling, "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" She shoves Alaistar to the door and Alaistar sees his mother attack the man who slayed his father - her fingers digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" With that Alaistar turns into the night and runs as fast has his legs will carry him. As he flees the village swirls around him in chaos. Villagers run in every direction - some turn to fight their attackers, but those that do are quickly cut down. With most of village huts on fire, the night hides none of the carnage. Alaistar moves away from the huts and into the darkness. Without thought he runs towards the beach. As he crests the dunes he freezes in awe - finding himself in the light once more: torches pepper the coast; a dozen rowboats line the shore; and in the distance two large ships bob on the ocean. Alaistar stands motionless in awe - thinking only how these large ships dwarf his father's own fishing boat. Alaistar looks back towards the village. As he moves into the darkness he is grabbed by rough hands. He cries out and tries to fight, but his arms are pressed tights against his own chest and his legs can find no purchase as he is lifted into the air. Alaistar is carried back onto the beach and loaded into a row boat.

Late one night Alaistar's village is raided by slavers. Alaistar is awoken by the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal has grabbed her by the elbow and is pulling her from the family's home. Alaistar's mother spits in the man's face and then kicks him in the groin as he wipes his eyes. As his mother moves back into the home Alaistar sees for the first time that there are two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father is wrestling with another armored man. He struggles valiently, but the other man is much larger and it's clear the fisherman will soon lose to the soldier. Alaistar's's mother brings a solid wooden chair crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father leaps to his feet and both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar - pulling the stunned boy from his sleeping mat. Alaistar's mother takes Alaistar into her arms and the family moves towards the door of their hut with Alaistar's father leading the way. ''They pause as Alaistar's father bends down to pick up the sword laying next to his unconscious foe, but before he can take hold of the weapon the man Alaistar's mother disabled recovers from the earlier attack and charges at Alaistar and his mother'' with his sword poised high for a strike. Acting on instinct Alaistar's father jumps into the swinging blade and it sinks deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother screams and drops Alaistar to his feet screaming, "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" She shoves Alaistar to the door and Alaistar sees his mother attack the man who slayed his father - her finger digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" With that Alaistar turns into the night and runs as fast has his legs will carry him. As he feel the village swirls around him in chaos. Villagers run in every direction - some turn to fight their attackers, but most that do are quickly cut down. With most of other huts on fire, the night hides none of the carnage. Alaistar moves away from the huts and into the darkness. Without thought he runs towards the beach. As he crests the dunes he freezes in awe - finding himself in the light once more: torches pepper the coast. A dozen rowboats line the shore and in the distance two large ships bob on the ocean. Alaistar stands motionless in awe - these large ships dwarf his father's fishing boat. Alaistar looks back towards the village and begins heading back. As he moves into the darkness is grabbed by rough hands. He cries out - his arms are pressed tights against his own chest and he is lifted into the air, but he kicks witih all his might - it is no use. Alaistar is dragged back onto the beach and loaded into a row boat.

Late one night Alaistar's village is raided by slavers. Alaistar is awoken by the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal has grabbed her by the elbow and is pulling her from the family's home. Alaistar's mother spits in the man's face and then kicks him in the groin as he wipes his eyes. As his mother moves back into the home Alaistar sees for the first time that there are two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father is wrestling with another armored man. He struggles valiently, but the other man is much larger and it's clear the fisherman will soon lose to the soldier. Alaistar's's mother brings a solid wooden chair crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father leaps to his feet and both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar - pulling the stunned boy from his sleeping mat. Alaistar's mother takes Alaistar into her arms and the family moves towards the door of their hut with Alaistar's father leading the way. ''They pause as Alaistar's father bends down to pick up the sword laying next to his unconscious foe, but before he can take hold of the weapon the man Alaistar's mother disabled recovers from the earlier attack and charges at Alaistar and his mother'' with his sword poised high for a strike. Acting on instinct Alaistar's father jumps into the swinging blade and it sinks deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother screams and drops Alaistar to his feet screaming, "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" She shoves Alaistar to the door and Alaistar sees his mother attack the man who slayed his father - her finger digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" With that Alaistar turns into the night and runs as fast has his legs will carry him. As he feel the village swirls around him in chaos. Villagers run in every direction - some turn to fight their attackers, but most that do are quickly cut down. With most of other huts on fire, the night hides none of the carnage. Alaistar moves away from the huts and into the darkness. Without thought he runs towards the beach. As he crests the dunes he freezes in awe - finding himself in the light once more: torches pepper the coast. A dozen rowboats line the shore and in the distance two large ships bob on the ocean. Alaistar stands motionless in awe - these large ships dwarf his father's fishing boat. Alaistar looks back towards the village and begins heading back. As he moves into the darkness is grabbed by rough hands. He cries out - his arms are pressed tights against his own chest and he is lifted into the air, but he kicks witih all his might - it is no use. Alaistar is dragged back onto the beach and loaded into a row boat.
''kel - the part i have greened i don't really like . . . so pay particularly close attention to that but feel free to comment on all of it.''

Late one night Alaistar's village is raided by slavers. Alaistar is awoken by the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal has grabbed her by the elbow and is pulling her from the family's home. Alaistar's mother spits in the man's face and then kicks him in the groin as he wipes his eyes. As his mother moves back into the home Alaistar sees for the first time that there are two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father is wrestling with another armored man. He struggles valiently, but the other man is much larger and it's clear the fisherman will soon lose to the soldier. Alaistar's's mother brings a solid wooden chair crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father leaps to his feet and both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar - pulling the stunned boy from his sleeping mat. Alaistar's mother takes Alaistar into her arms and the family moves towards the door of their hut with Alaistar's father leading the way. They pause as Alaistar's father bends down to pick up the sword laying next to his unconscious foe, but before he can take hold of the weapon the man Alaistar's mother disabled recovers from the earlier attack and charges at Alaistar and his mother with his sword poised high for a strike. Acting on instinct Alaistar's father jumps into the swinging blade and it sinks deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother screams and drops Alaistar to his feet screaming, "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" She shoves Alaistar to the door and Alaistar sees his mother attack the man who slayed his father - her finger digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" With that Alaistar turns into the night and runs as fast has his legs will carry him. As he feel the village swirls around him in chaos. Villagers run in every direction - some turn to fight their attackers, but most that do are quickly cut down. With most of other huts on fire, the night hides none of the carnage. Alaistar moves away from the huts and into the darkness. Without thought he runs towards the beach. As he crests the dunes he freezes in awe - finding himself in the light once more: torches pepper the coast. A dozen rowboats line the shore and in the distance two large ships bob on the ocean. Alaistar stands motionless in awe - these large ships dwarf his father's fishing boat. Alaistar looks back towards the village and begins heading back. As he moves into the darkness is grabbed by rough hands. He cries out - his arms are pressed tights against his own chest and he is lifted into the air, but he kicks witih all his might - it is no use. Alaistar is dragged back onto the beach and loaded into a row boat.

Late one night Alaistar's village is raided by slavers. Alaistar is awoken by the cries of his mother. A large man dressed in metal has grabbed her by the elbow and is pulling her from the family's home. Alaistar's mother spits in the man's face and then kicks him in the groin as he wipes it off. As his mother moves back into the home Alaistar sees for the first time that there are two men fighting on the ground. Alaistar's father is wrestling with another armored man. He struggles valiently, but the other man is much larger and it's clear the fisherman will soon lose to the soldier. Alaistar's's mother brings a solid wooden chair crashing down onto the back of the large man's frame - ending the fight. Alaistar's father leaps to his feet and both of Alaistar's parents move toward Alaistar - pulling the stunned boy from his sleeping mat. Alaistar's mother takes Alaistar into her arms and the family moves towards the door of their hut with Alaistar's father leading the way. They pause as Alaistar's father bends down to pick up the sword laying next to his unconscious foe, but before he can take hold of the weapon the man Alaistar's mother disabled recovers from the earlier attack and charges at Alaistar and his mother with his sword poised high for a strike. Acting on instinct Alaistar's father jumps into the swinging blade and it sinks deep into his abdomen. Alaistar's mother screams and drops Alaistar to his feet screaming, "RUN Alaistar, RUN!" She shoves Alaistar to the door and Alaistar sees his mother attack the man who slayed his father - her finger digging deep into his eyes. "RUN, Alaistar!" With that Alaistar turns into the night and runs as fast has his legs will carry him. As he feel the village swirls around him in chaos. Villagers run in every direction - some turn to fight their attackers, but most that do are quickly cut down. With most of other huts on fire, the night hides none of the carnage. Alaistar moves away from the huts and into the darkness. Without thought he runs towards the beach. As he crests the dunes he freezes in awe - finding himself in the light once more: torches pepper the coast. A dozen rowboats line the shore and in the distance two large ships bob on the ocean. Alaistar stands motionless in awe - these large ships dwarf his father's fishing boat. Alaistar looks back towards the village and begins heading back. As he moves into the darkness is grabbed by rough hands. He cries out - his arms are pressed tights against his own chest and he is lifted into the air, but he kicks witih all his might - it is no use. Alaistar is dragged back onto the beach and loaded into a row boat.

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Superheroes : TheRaid

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